Entertainment reboot
by faithful muse
Summary: Azuma Yunoki hates being bored. To solve this problem, he finds something new to play with: Kahoko Hino.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hello all! I'm bringing _Entertainment_ back from the dead...and actually FINISHING it this time around. At first I intended to just add the final chapters and walk away, but there was just too much in the original story that I wanted to go back and change. Since so many of you enjoyed _Entertainment_, I felt bad just taking it down and replacing it with a new version. So here you go: a reboot.  
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**Hope you like it!**

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><p>Kahoko stifled a yawn. It had been a long day, she just wanted to go home, take a hot bath, and curl up in bed.<p>

"Hino."

_That _voice. It was soft and lilting, but she knew better than to trust appearances. Her fingers tightened their grip on her bag.

"Good afternoon, Yunoki."

He smiled. "You walk home, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

_Good?_ She never understood what was going through his mind. They walked together in silence for a few moments. As they exited the school gates, Kahoko saw a car waiting. She half expected his next question.

"Would you care for a ride home? You look tired."

_What happens if I say no?_ Despite the pleasant character he displayed in public, Kahoko felt uneasy around Yunoki. It would be unwise to refuse. She nodded and got into the car as he held the door open for her. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots. As the driver pulled away from the curb, she focused on her breathing.

"I don't suppose you have anything of import planned for this evening?"

Kahoko watched the trees moving past. She hated the condescension in his voice when he spoke to her.

Without waiting for her response, he continued. "You see, my Grandmother is away for the rest of the weekend, and I find myself lonely in that empty house."

Kahoko felt goosebumps on the back of her neck. "What are you suggesting?"

Yunoki shrugged. "A little company. A little entertainment. I despise being bored."

Kahoko swallowed. "And if I refuse?"

Yunoki smiled and reached over, tracing his fingers along her jawline. "Oh, I highly doubt you'll do that."

She didn't respond, and he took her silence as a yes. Not like he had taken her opinions into consideration in the first place.

Kahoko kept her gaze out the window for the remainder of the car ride, but she could feel him watching her.

They stopped in front of his house, and Kahoko's hands were cold and clammy. The driver opened her door for her and Yunoki followed her out, placing his hand on the small of her back and leading her toward the door, dismissing the driver with a wave of his hand.

He slipped off his shoes before entering, and Kahoko did the same. Her heart beat faster as they walked down a long hallway and Yunoki slid open a door to was what unmistakably his bedroom.

Kahoko had expected as much, but actually _standing_ there terrified her.

"Kahoko," he murmured.

She didn't know how she felt about him using her first name. She had never given him permission to do so. But then again, who needed to give Yunoki permission to do anything?

She stood paralyzed as he cupped her chin with his fingers, bending down to kiss her. He was gentle, but that seemed to frighten her more for some reason. She felt her face heating up as he deepened the kiss. What was she supposed to do? Tell him to stop? Call for help?

Yunoki pulled back and looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

"I…" Kahoko looked away, afraid of meeting his eyes.

He smiled. "Have you never done any of this before?"

"Of-of course not!" Kahoko snapped, embarrassed. "I—"

He cut her off, placing a finger on her lips. "That's perfect," he said, smiling. Yunoki grasped her hands and walked them backwards, seating himself on the bed and pulling her onto his lap. He kissed her again, more intensely this time. Kahoko put her hands on his shoulders, trying to shove him away. He pulled back and grabbed her face with one hand.  
>"Careful," he warned, "you don't want to upset me. It would be in your best interest to cooperate."<p>

She felt tears building up in her eyes. _Is he going to…I'm not ready…I don't want…_ She jerked away in shock as one of his hands traveled up her skirt. She tried to wriggle away, but he held her in place.

"I'm warning you," he hissed.

She stopped fighting him, biting her lip in an effort to keep her tears at bay.

"That's better," he murmured. "Just relax and enjoy this."

Kahoko tried to obey, and to her disdain, it wasn't too difficult. She was tense and frightened, but she tried to relax under his caresses. She tried to block out her thoughts, focusing only on the feel of his touch on her skin, his lips against hers.

He _was _gentle at first, but like his other façades, it fell through quickly. Almost hastily, he removed her clothes, tossing them carelessly to the floor. Kahoko shivered as she sat there, naked and red-faced. Nobody had seen her this way before. And to think that _Yunoki_—

But there wasn't time to think.

He was kissing her again, and his hands were roaming over her body, and it was all happening too fast. She was laying back on the bed, and he was fumbling with something, she had her eyes shut because she was afraid, and his hands pushed her legs apart, and she didn't want him to, she wasn't ready for this…

Kahoko cried out in pain, but Yunoki paid no heed. Kahoko tried to focus on something other than what was happening, tried to think about the piece of music she had practiced earlier in the day.

She bit her lip, trying to keep silent as another jab of pain pulsed through her as he pushed forward. Kahoko stopped trying to distract herself. It was impossible, it—

"Go ahead," he said, his words accented by the movement of his hips. "Go ahead and scream. I want to hear you."

But what frightened Kahoko the most was that underneath the shock and the pain, there was something _else_ building. Yunoki seemed aware of this, and he laughed. "You're enjoying it. There's no use trying to hide that." Her eyes met his and she looked away quickly.

"There we go," he whispered. "Just like that." Her fingers released their hold on the sheets and moved to his shoulders, pulling him close this time instead of pushing him away. She let instinct take over, following him blindly. As the tension built, he leaned down and placed his lips close to her ear. "Say my name," he commanded.

"Yu—yu—_noki_," she stammered.

"No, my given name. Azuma." Yunoki groaned. "Hurry."

Kahoko had lost the power of words and was reduced to incoherent sounds.

"Say it!" he demanded. His control was slipping.

Kahoko opened her eyes and met his gaze. "Azuma," she mouthed.

Then, release.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Just a quick clarification (since it may not be apparent), this chapter takes place the school day (Monday?) after the previous one. **

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><p>Azuma Yunoki was a study in contradictions. It was expected of him to be perfect, flawless, and gentlemanly. It was expected of him to succeed in everything that he attempted. It was expected of him to carry his family's name proudly, and to add to their honor and pristine reputation. At the same time, however, he was to remember his place. He is the third son, and thus not allowed to surpass his elder brothers. He must be completely submissive and obedient to his elders. He must not deviate from the plan.<p>

To be perfectly honest, it made Yunoki laugh. Because underneath it all, he was a teenage boy. And _that_ small detail was something that everyone seemed to forget.

Living up to his reputation had taken a toll in quite a few areas, and Yunoki needed release. Sure there was music, there was _always_ music, but that wasn't something that belonged solely to him anymore. His had been forbidden from playing the piano, so he had taken up flute, but his skill and competitive nature had quickly thrust him back into the spotlight. Not that he minded, of course. That was how it had always been.

But what Yunoki was aching for was control. If he couldn't have a say in his own life, he wanted to have power over someone else's. He wanted to be important not because he had followed directions, but because he had _set_ them.

But again, he was just a teenage boy. A high school student. There weren't very many options available.

One of the things that people didn't know about Yunoki was that he had an excellent imagination. Observers might believe that he already lived a perfect life, that he already floated around in a cloud of fantasy, but they were wrong. Yunoki was trapped within a box, weighed down by the burden of reputation of family and social responsibility and all of the nonsense that had him smiling and laughing and always being _so _polite and kind and, well, perfect.

But like any other boy his age, Yunoki had seen things, read things, tried things. He'd done what any other boy with more than enough hormones and just enough curiosity did. What he _didn't_ appreciate was the feeling of shame that followed the relief of self-satisfaction. He felt debased. He was cut from better cloth than this. It was cowardly and shameful, wasn't it, to sit alone in his room, seeking pleasure?

Didn't he deserve to have someone _else_ provide him with this?

But who? Hiring something was almost worse, and the idea of getting a girlfriend made him feel faintly sick. He tried to imagine any one of his "fans" in that position. They would be submissive and obedient, alright, but where was the fun in that? Not to mention how quickly the news would leak out. They would be more than eager to brag to their friends. It wasn't worth the emotional investment.

So what _were_ his options?

Walking down the hallway, Yunoki laughed at something that Hihara had said. He covered his mouth with his hand in a gesture that seemed shy, hiding the smile that was supposedly the result of Hihara's joke, but in reality was because of the girl whose eye he'd managed to catch.

Fifteen feet away, Kahoko Hino froze in her tracks, her face turning red. Her abrupt stop caused a small upset in the hall traffic as a group of music students collided with her, knocking Kahoko's books to the ground. Yunoki turned away, saying something teasing to Hihara.

Yunoki had hated Kahoko from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her at the Concours. She was unqualified, undeserving of the privilege of participation. She was a general education student for goodness' sake! It was obvious from her form on stage that she had no idea what she was doing. She was a walking disaster. But despite all of that, she made beautiful music. Simple and unrefined, yes, but its effect on the audience was obvious.

There was something about her that set Yunoki's teeth on edge.

So when disaster struck, when she broke a string on stage and suffered from shock or nerves or amnesia or _whatever _it was that reduced what talent she had to nothing, Yunoki felt slightly elated. Not because she was making a fool out of herself onstage (though that certainly was an added bonus), but because he had gotten a glimpse into her character.

She acted sweet and innocent, but she was hiding something. And she was _terrified_ that someone would find out. This, in Yunoki's mind, made her a perfect candidate for his attention.

Yunoki watched discreetly as Kahoko bent down and picked up her belongings, noting how the crowd in the hallway ignored her, walking past without offering assistance. A small part of him wanted to go help, but he remembered his place. He remembered that what he needed, above all else, was a sense of discretion in this matter.

Yunoki had gladly watched Kahoko Hino fall apart onstage because he realized that _she_ was the solution to his problem. She didn't fawn over him the way the others did. She went largely unrecognized (or at least underappreciated and unrespected) by the musicians of the school. And she was pretty. Perhaps not _beautiful_, but nice enough on the eyes.

Yunoki excused himself from Hihara and turned and walked in the opposite direction, needing to step outside for some air.

He had to admit that this train of thought made him sound like some sort of sadist or criminal. But that wasn't the case at all. He wasn't planning on _hurting_ her.

He just wanted a diversion from his everyday life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm sorry that I COMPLETELY dropped the ball on this. Last semester was a beast, but I'm determined to take more time for myself, and that includes finishing this fanfic. ****I hope not to go missing like that again . . . at least not in the middle of a story. :)**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

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><p>Kahoko slumped into her chair and fought the urge to lay her head down on the desk and close her eyes. Instead she focused on smoothing out the papers that had been crumpled during her mishap in the hallway. A couple members of Yunoki's fanclub had "accidentally" stepped on (and ripped one of) her homework assignments. Kahoko grimaced at the thought of <em>him<em>. He was the whole reason she'd been so flustered in the first place . . .

"Kaho, are you okay?"

She jumped slightly as she was pulled from her reverie. Recovering quickly, she smiled at Mio. "I guess I'm still half-asleep. I dropped all my books in the hallway just now."

Nao snorted. "You mean you're not _always_ that clumsy?"

"Nao, don't be so mean!" Mio folded her arms and frowned at the other girl. Seeing her glare deflected by a not-so-subtle eyeroll, she gave up and turned her attention back to Kahoko. "Are you sure you're okay? You're not hurt or anything?"

Kahoko shook her head. "No, my homework took the majority of the beating."

"Well that's good. That you're okay, I mean."

"And on top of it all, you're actually on time today," Nao added.

Mio opened her mouth to scold Nao again, but was interrupted by the bell. Everyone stood as the teacher entered the room, and Kahoko couldn't help feeling a sense of relief that the conversation had ended. She didn't want to have them asking what she had done over the weekend. If she couldn't keep her composure just _seeing_ Yunoki in the hallway, there was no way she could lie through her teeth to her best friends.

With a sigh, Kahoko looked at the clock and started counting the minutes until school would be over.

"Finally, lunch! I'm starving!" Nao suppressed a laugh as Mio hastily opened her bento and started cramming food into her mouth. Instead of following suit, Kahoko stood and picked up her violin case. "Kao, whe you gomg?" Mio mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Sorry guys, I really need to practice. I'll see you later!" Without waiting for a response, Kahoko rushed out of the room, walking quickly and keeping her head down in the hallway, hoping to not run into anyone on the way. She found an empty practice room and shut the door quickly, letting out a deep sigh of relief. She took a few moments to gather her thoughts before opening her case. Reverently, she picked up her violin and bow and closed her eyes to play.

"Kahoko."

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of _his_ voice. She turned around slowly. "Yunoki."

He stood in the doorway smiled sweetly. Not a good sign. "Do you have a moment?"

She nodded and silently put her instrument back into its case. She clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking and watched him step into the room and lock the door.

"I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't say hello this morning."

Kahoko looked pointedly out the window.

"So here I am, saying hello."

She cleared her throat. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Yunoki raised an eyebrow and shrugged out of his coat. "Who said that I wanted to talk?" He hung his jacket over the practice room window and stepped back. Satisfied with his work, he turned toward Kahoko.

Her eyes widened. "What are you . . . " the words stuck in her throat, and she swallowed nervously. _Was he actually going to . . . _here? _What if someone saw? _She backed up, her limbs stiff with fear, and gasped when she hit the wall.

Yunoki cocked his head to the side. "Where do you think you're going?"

Kahoko flushed. "You can't. I mean, what if somebody walks in? And . . . and . . . what if . . ."

"You talk too much," he whispered, and covered her mouth with his own.

_I should tell him to stop. _

When he pulled away, she opened her mouth to protest, but he placed a slender finger over her lips. "The door is locked, so nobody will come in. I covered the window, so nobody will see. The only thing we have to worry about . . ." he glanced up at the clock on the wall, "is time. And of course, if you're too loud, they'll be able to hear." He kissed his way slowly down her neck and smiled when she whimpered. "It's a shame. I really do love it when you say my name."

She clenched her hands into fists, trying to focus on the pain of her nails digging into her palms. "You really shouldn't . . ."

"I know. I wasn't planning on it." He straightened up and laughed.

Kahoko flushed. "Yunoki! You—you—ˮ she pushed at his chest. "You're too mean!"

"And _you're_ too tempting."

She didn't know how to respond to that. "I don't . . ."

Before she could react, Yunoki had pushed her back against the wall and slid one hand up her skirt. "I never was very good at controlling myself around you."

"You said that you weren't . . ."

"I didn't specify the details."

She hesitated, and Yunoki's eyes narrowed. "I can manage this where it will be kept secret, or I can make it _very_ obvious what we were up to. Your choice. I recommend that you listen to me and _obey_."

Kahoko closed her eyes and nodded.

"Good girl."

He was so condescending, so demeaning. She wanted to hate him. She should hate him.

She was just so confused.

He was everywhere and there was nothing gentle or kind about the way that he was kissing her, touching her. She could hear his breathing quicken, feel it hot against her skin, she was biting her lip so hard that she was afraid it would start to bleed.

She wanted to push him away. She wanted to never see him again.

She clung to him. She pulled him closer. She felt the hunger in his kiss and responded in kind, hating herself for shivering when he groaned.

It lasted forever. It ended too soon.

Yunoki left right as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. He'd given her a handkerchief and told her to make herself presentable and hadn't breathed a word of thanks. Of course.

Kahoko straightened her uniform as best she could and smoothed her hair. She ducked into the girls' bathroom and splashed water on her face, hoping it would help to combat her flushed complexion. As she settled into her desk in her next class without any major incident, Kahoko let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding.

She tried her best to focus on the lesson, but found it impossible. She was worried. Worried about what she had done. Worried about what would happen if word got out. If she told the truth, would anyone believe her? Yunoki was . . .

Well, to the public eye, he was an angel in every sense of the word. Beautiful, talented, polite. But she knew better. She saw the anger, the need for domination and control. She had been taken advantage of, after all.

She _should_ hate him. She should.

But she couldn't bring herself to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **In the previous version, I almost felt like I made Yunoki a bit _too _villainous. I mean, yeah, he's a jerkface, but that doesn't mean he's inhuman. He can be nice and/or vulnerable. Sometimes. Perhaps that vulnerability is what causes him to lash out the way he does. Who knows. He's a teenager for goodness sake. Teenagers are irrational and emotional (for you teenage readers, I'm sorry, but you have to admit it's true).

What I'm trying to get at is that this chapter might seem a little out of character for Yunoki, but it'll play into the story later on. :)

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><p>Yunoki's eyelids snapped open as a crash of thunder sounded in his room. With a sigh, he sat up in bed. Trying to sleep was pointless. <em>Usually<em> the sound of rainfall and even thunder helped carry him off to dreamland. There was something about the underlying rhythm, the low bass rumble—it was almost musical, he supposed. Tonight, however, was an exception. Tonight the sound of the rain gave him goosebumps; the thunder was an angry voice, a powerful roar reminding him that he was not in control of his own life.

He reached in the dark for his slippers and robe and made his way down the hall. He would make a pot of tea, something strong enough to put him to sleep.

Yunoki knew that the weather wasn't _really_ trying to send him a message. He was intelligent enough to know that it was his own subconscious that attached a voice to the workings of nature, but he didn't feel like psychoanalyzing himself at the moment. He slid the door to the tea room open and stepped inside.

It was dark. It was silent. The rain had stopped.

Acting on impulse, Yunoki turned around and went back the way he came. He didn't want _tea._ He didn't want to be in this cold empty house. He wanted to escape. He wanted . . . He paused, realizing what he was doing. Somehow, he was outside, fitting a key into the door of one of the cars.

He would never admit it out loud, but he wanted _her._ He reached into his pocket and flipped open his cell phone. It was a little after two in the morning. Definitely too late.

He got in and started the car anyway. It took him a few moments to get used to being back behind the wheel, but he had the hang of it by the time he pulled out onto the main road. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he made his way to Kahoko's house. Aiming for discretion, Yunoki parked the car several houses down. He stepped out of the car and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't know what he was doing. He certainly wasn't acting like himself. He just hoped that nobody saw him.

Yunoki made his way quietly to Kahoko's gate. He flipped his phone open and typed a quick text.

_Kahoko._

He pressed send and waited a few seconds, noting with a smile that the air was thickening with fog. He sent a second text.

_Are you awake?_

He counted quietly. It took seventy-five seconds for her response.

_No._

He smirked.

_Too bad._

Before she could reply, he called her.

"What do you want, Yunoki?"

Her voice sounded thick with sleep. He smiled. "Azuma," he corrected.

He heard the sound of sheets rustling. "I—fine. What do you want, _Azuma_? Do you know what time it is?"

He shrugged. "I have a vague idea." He leaned against the gate. "And you know _exactly_ what I want."

"No way. I'm in bed. I'm at home. I'm not leaving. Besides," her voice sounded distant, "it's almost three."

"The time doesn't matter, Kahoko."

"I beg to differ—ˮ

"_And_ I find it rather convenient that you're at home and in bed. Mind if I come up and join you?" He had to remind himself to lower his voice to a whisper, in case her neighbors had particularly good hearing.

"You…_what?_"

"I'm outside."

"Stay right there." She hung up and Yunoki placed his phone back inside his pocket.

It took fifteen seconds for Kahoko to open the gate and join him on the sidewalk, latching it quietly behind her. "What are you doing?" she hissed.

Yunoki shrugged. "I wanted—ˮ

She waved her hand to cut him off. "I don't _care_ what you wanted. What are you doing in front of _my house _in the middle of the night? What if someone sees?"

"I'm not the one making a big fuss out of this. I was thinking that we'd just go inside. Quietly. No one would know any better."

Kahoko put her hands on her hips. "My _family_ is in there. I'm not letting you into my house. That's . . . _indecent_."

"I wasn't planning on _waking _them."

"That's entirely beside the point!"

"Is it? And you might want to think about keeping_ your _voice down, speaking of decency." She frowned at him and folded her arms. He noticed that she was shivering. "Shall we go in before you catch cold?"

She shook her head. "How did you even get here?"

Yunoki gestured towards the car. "I parked a little ways over there. I figured you would throw a fit in any of your neighbors saw anything."

"_You_ drove?"

"Yes."

"How?"

Yunoki sighed. "If you're not going to let me inside, can we go to the car to continue this conversation? I think your lips are turning blue."

"Fine."

They walked back and he opened the door to for her, closing it and getting a blanket out of the trunk before joining her on the backseat. "Here." He handed her the blanket and she nodded gratefully, wrapping it around herself.

She looked out the window to avoid his gaze. "Aren't you cold?"

He smirked. "Why, would you like to share?" He was pleased to see her blush in response.

"Not particularly. Only if you asked." The second sentence was uttered so quietly that he almost missed it.

He scooted closer. "May I?"

She nodded, and after a few moments of fumbling and rearranging, Yunoki managed to lay down and tuck the blanket over them both, Kahoko curled up against him. "Did you really drive yourself here, or is your chauffeur hiding in the bushes outside?"

He laughed. "For my fifteenth birthday, one of my drivers taught me how. I had been asking for months, and he finally agreed on the pretense that we kept it a secret. He didn't want to lose his job."

"And you managed to keep it a secret?"

"So far. Though that does mean that I'll have to head back to my place in an hour or so, just to give my grandmother a wide berth. Sometimes she wakes early to watch the sun rise." He shifted, moving off of a seat-belt that was digging into his back.

"Are you okay?"

"You know, this would be a lot more comfortable in _your_ bed."

"You know I can't have that. It's too much of a risk."

"I'd be leaving soon anyway."

"But what if they hear—ˮ

"Hear what?"

She hesitated. "You know . . . _us_."

Yunoki sat up so that he could look at her. "Kahoko, I didn't visit you tonight for _sex_."

" . . . oh?" She looked as though the thought hadn't occurred to her. Yunoki resisted the urge to lean in and kiss her. It might seem somewhat contradictory.

"As much as I enjoy _that_, I also enjoy your company."

"So . . . you came over just . . . for company?"

He nodded. _Because I was lonely. Because I was suffocating and I couldn't take it anymore and I knew that seeing you would fix it._

Kahoko frowned slightly. He knew that she didn't trust him. He had never given her any reason to, after all. A few moments passed and then she sighed. "What time did you say you'd be leaving?"

He shrugged. "Between four and five."

"Okay. Okay fine." She held up her hand. "But we _can't_ . . . inside the house."

"Fine by me."

"Okay." Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and set a brisk pace back. Yunoki locked the car and followed quietly. He noticed her tense up as they entered her room and shut the door. He realized that he must be the first man she'd ever had in her bed. Perhaps in her bedroom, even. He took a moment to observe the surroundings in the dim light—her furniture, the knickknacks on her desk, her violin case.

She was standing beside her bed, wringing her hands. She was nervous. She didn't trust him to keep his word. With as vulnerable as she looked, part of him wanted break it. Wanted to pull off her clothes and push her back onto the bed and—

He pushed the thought out of his head. He stepped close to her and leaned down, placing his lips at her ear. "Just a kiss," he whispered.

She swallowed and nodded.

He cupped her face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her, smiling slightly as he felt her relax against him. He pulled away and placed one additional kiss on her neck, his heartbeat racing a little as she inhaled sharply.

They got into bed and Kahoko pulled the covers over them both. She didn't resist when he pulled her close. She fell asleep quickly, and Yunoki followed suit, listening to the sound of her steady breathing.


	5. Chapter 5

Kahoko woke the next morning, squinting at the bright sunlight that filtered through her curtains. She groaned and pulled the covers up over her head in an attempt to blot out the light. As she closed her eyes, she remembered what, or rather _who,_ had happened last night and sat up with a jolt. She looked around. No sign of Yunoki. No note, nothing. She checked her phone. No calls, no messages.

With a sigh of relief, Kahoko sank back onto her pillows.

She had spent the night with a someone. A man. Here. In her room, in her _bed._ It was strange to think about.

She noted that Yunoki had acted differently last night. More kind, more open than she was used to. He had been gentle and warm and she had actually _enjoyed_ being with him. He'd talked his way into her house, into her bed, but she hadn't felt threatened.

The change was nice, but somehow it made her feel uneasy. He hadn't asked for sex, which was good, but she wondered what she would have done if he _had_. She could say no, but he never listened and he was a lot stronger than she was, anyway. Would they have gone back out to his car? Would he have forced her-here in her own bed?

Kahoko wrapped her arms around a pillow and pulled it close. This was her room. This was where she felt safest. This is where she went when she wanted to be alone, where she had spent her childhood.

But things had changed. She had changed. Her childhood was over.

She closed her eyes and imagined Yunoki. She imagined waking up next to him in her bed. If he was in a good mood, if he was being nice, he would wish her good morning. He would lean over and kiss her. The sun would spill in through the window and onto them both, and if she looked up at him, there would be a halo of light crowning his head. And then, if he wanted more, if he was feeling particularly kind, he would be slow and gentle. He would take his time with his kisses, and she would pull him close and then—

"Kahoko? Are you awake?"

Kahoko turned away so her mother wouldn't see her blushing face if she opened the door. "Yes, mom."

"You'd better come downstairs, then. Breakfast is ready."

"Okay, just a minute."

She waited until the sound of footsteps faded away before throwing back the covers and sitting up.

Kahoko frowned. Did she actually care for Yunoki? Until last night, she wouldn't have entertained the idea, but now it seemed like something had changed. Something she couldn't quite put a finger on.

She didn't love him. She didn't even know if she _liked_ him most of the time. But she felt like whatever their relationship was, it was growing stronger, and she couldn't help feeling that it was becoming more and more important.

It was terrifying, of course, but in a different way than before. Something was coming, something was changing, but she couldn't be sure what that something was.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Short chapter is short. Sorry!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Another short chapter, sorry!

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><p>Kahoko dressed for school and kicked herself mentally every time she checked her cell phone. Yunoki had never been one for frivolous communication, so naturally there weren't any new text messages or missed calls. The only time he contacted her was when—<p>

She blushed. Only when it was inconvenient for her, or when he needed something. If _something_ was even an appropriate word for . . . you know . . . _it_. And it's not like he was the romantic type either. She pushed the thought out of her mind, and tried to ignore the fact that her phone remained silent. She knew better. She ought to, anyways.

She said goodbye to her mother and left the house, feeling a small pang of disappointment that there wasn't a car waiting outside.

_Why do I care all of a sudden?_

It was irrational to think that the shift in Yunoki's behavior last night was a marker signaling a change in their relationship. In his personality, even.

_We present for your pleasure, the newly upgraded Yunoki 2.0! Softer, more sensitive, more gentle than ever before!_

Kahoko shook her head. It was a long walk to school, and she didn't need to be dwelling on _this_. Not to mention the fact that her internal infomercial sounded like an advertisement for toilet paper. She turned her focus to the violin piece she had learned last week and began humming it to herself.

* * *

><p>Yunoki wasn't feeling well.<p>

Okay, that was a major understatement. Yunoki wasn't feeling very . . . how should he put it?

Whatever. It was all so confusing.

Confused, then?

Yes, Yunoki was confused.

He bid his driver goodbye with a nod of his head. He didn't feel up to conversation today, but he knew better than to wish for the impossible. With a sigh, he assumed his beatific school persona. A gaggle of girls scurried over to wish him good morning and ask about what he had done the previous evening and whether or not he had difficulty sleeping because of that terrible storm, and Yunoki smiled and did his best to seem interested. When his patience reached its limit, he used the excuse that he needed to meet Hihara before class and broke away from the crowd. He was headed down the hallway when he saw _her_.

Kahoko Hino.

Bits and pieces of the previous night flickered through his mind. The thunderstorm and the rain. The darkness. The fear that weighed down on his chest, threatening to suffocate him. Standing outside of her house. How angry she was at him for disturbing her. Walking into her bedroom. Pulling her close. That feeling of warmth and peace. Feeling like he was safe.

Yunoki felt all of those thoughts dissolve into anger. The idea that _one girl_ should have that much power over him was ridiculous. It hit too close to home. In a flash, he pictured Kahoko and his grandmother standing side by side. He saw himself on his knees, begging for mercy, for forgiveness and acceptance. He saw himself alone in his room, the weight of his family name pressing down on his shoulders.

So when he saw Kahoko in the hallway, when he saw her face light up ever so slightly when their eyes met, it angered him. Quite pointedly he looked at her, _through her_, and walked by without a word or any sign of recognition.

He felt a small pang of remorse. He knew she wasn't to blame, but it didn't matter.

Originally, the plan had been to capture her attention because he wanted a plaything. He was bored, and he wanted to know what it would feel like to exert control over something, some_one _else for a change. Somehow, everything had backfired.

Kahoko made him vulnerable. Sooner or later, she was going to hurt him.

He had to strike first.


	7. Chapter 7

**Edit****: I'm resubmitting chapter 7 because I've been spelling Tsuchiura's name wrong. Because I'm a genius like that.**

* * *

><p>"Hino. Hey, Hino. <em>Kahoko Hino."<em>

Kahoko blinked. "What? Oh. Hey, Tsuchiura." With a bit of effort, she moved her focus from watching Yunoki as he walked past and looked up at Ryotaro's face.

"You okay?"

_Why did he look at me like that? _"Hmm?"

"Are. You. Okay. You look awfully pale, and clearly you haven't listened to a word I've said."

"Oh, no, I'm fine. Really. Thanks for asking." _More like, why _didn't _he look at me?_

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not." She turned to walk away.

Tsuchiura leaned against the lockers, blocking her way with his arm. "Not gonna fly with me. Something's up."

"Honestly. I'm fine." _Or the most important question: why do I care? He clearly doesn't. I should know this by now. I'm such an idiot._

"Hino, you can tell me."

"There really isn't anything."

"I can help."

Kahoko had had enough. "Listen," she snapped, "n_othing _is going on, and you most certainly _couldn't _help even if there was. I need to go to class, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would _mind your own business." _She shoved his arm out of the way and marched off.

* * *

><p>Completely stunned, Ryotaro watched her leave. Something was up. Something bad was happening, and he was going to find out what it was. Whether she thought he could or not, he <em>was <em>going to help her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: This takes place a week or so after the previous chapter, when Yunoki snubbed Kahoko in the hallway. Let's just say, he hasn't been the nicest person in the meantime. He's either been flat out ignoring her or saying incredibly cruel things to her (text messages, whispers in the hallway, things like that).**

**Warning for the erm...well...let's just say that you're not going to feel very warm and fuzzy after this chapter.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Shoko Fuuyumi glanced around the rooftop, making sure that it was vacant. Sometimes Hihara or Hino practiced up here, but most of the students had gone home already. Satisfied that she was alone, Fuuyumi sat down and began assembling her clarinet. She froze when she heard the door open and slam closed.<p>

She was about to open her mouth, to say hello or something so they wouldn't be startled if they walked around the corner and saw her, but then the door opened and closed again. _Two_ people. Maybe she wouldn't interrupt after all. Fuuyumi didn't want to embarrass them if they thought they were having a special moment alone. She understood how one little interruption could completely kill your determination to do something bold.

Quickly and quietly, she disassembled her clarinet, closed the case, and sat with her back pressed to the wall, making herself as small and invisible as possible. She'd just wait for them to leave, or if they were coming around to the other side, then she could go around the other way and—

She recognized the voices. It was Yunoki and Hino.

* * *

><p>Yunoki opened the door to the rooftop and stepped out into the light. The sun would be setting soon. He should make this quick unless he was planning on giving her a ride home afterward. It wasn't safe for a girl to—<p>

He stopped the thought in its tracks.

He shouldn't care about any of that. The fact that he was even thinking about adjusting his plans for her convenience was ridiculous.

Kahoko turned to face him and, for a moment, his heart stopped beating. She looked completely distraught. She bit her lip and then asked him a question, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"Why?"

_God, she looks like a mess. _

Yunoki had a sudden desire to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless. He shoved those feelings aside.

_Don't be weak. Don't even think about letting her win._

He kept his face expressionless and raised an eyebrow. "Why what?"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Have I _hurt your feelings?" _He put as much sneer into his voice as he could.

"You're such a pompous ass. If I had known you were like this I would have—ˮ

He stepped forward and grabbed her wrist, trying to ignore the fact that she flinched at the pain. "You would have what? Stopped me?" She tried to shove him away, but he was much stronger. "You would have fought off my advances? Defended your _honor?" _He pulled her close and leaned down to place his lips at her ear. "You didn't even _struggle _against me the first time. You _enjoyed _it. You _wanted _it just as much as I did."

"Yunoki, please stop. Please."

He stepped back and wagged a finger at her. "Name, dear. You always seem to forget."

"Azuma. Please."

_She's begging. This is just too good to be true. _

"Please…just let me go."

"And then what?"

_Rule her. Control her. Make her serve you._

"I—I just—ˮ

"On your knees." He shoved her roughly to the ground.

"Yu—Azuma. I don't want—ˮ

_Take what you want._

He saw the tears in her eyes and tried to avoid looking directly at them. He focused on her mouth. Her lips were trembling. He watched her ask the next question.

"Do you hate me?"

Yunoki hesitated.

_No. No, I don't hate you. That's exactly the problem. You make me weak. You make me vulnerable. I can't bear it._

His resolve was wavering. He closed his eyes for a moment, pushed his emotions out of reach. He couldn't let her win. He had to prove that he was stronger than this. But how?

_Control her. Control her._

He unzipped his pants and grabbed hold of her hair. "Open your mouth. Don't fight me. Don't think of doing anything stupid."

* * *

><p>Shoko Fuuyumi had her eyes squeezed shut and both hands covering her ears.<p>

_Yunoki, I can't believe it. He . . ._

She brushed the tears off her cheeks with her sleeve and heard the sound of Kahoko coughing violently and the door opening and slamming closed.

Fuuyumi stood and peeked around the corner. Kahoko was hunched over on the ground, sobbing. Fuuyumi walked up quietly, not knowing whether or not she could or should help. "Hino, are . . . are you okay?"

Kahoko gasped and tried to cover her face.

Fuuyumi swallowed. "It—it's okay. You don't have to explain. I heard it. I was out here before he . . ." Slowly, she knelt down beside her. She pulled a handkerchief out of her jacket pocket and held it out. "I'm sorry."

Kahoko took the handkerchief, but still wouldn't look at her. Fuuyumi stood to give her some privacy while she cleaned herself up a bit. She walked toward the fence at the edge of the rooftop and watched the setting sun.

_It's getting late. I should probably give my driver a call to come pick me up._

"Thank you."

Fuuyumi turned and saw Kahoko shakily getting to her feet. She stepped forward and offered her a hand. Kahoko accepted the help and smiled gratefully. "I'm sorry that—ˮ

Fuuyumi shook her head to interrupt her. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. He's . . . he's . . . "

"A selfish bastard?"

Shoko shook her head. "Worse than that. I never would have guessed it, but much much worse."

"That's the beauty of the situation."

"How long have you two . . ."

Kahoko shrugged.

Fuuyumi blushed. "Sorry. It's not my place to ask."

Kahoko shook her head. "No, it's okay. If anything, you deserve an explanation. I just don't know if I can give one."

"Why can't you just leave him?"

Kahoko laughed bitterly. "Oh, I could _try, _but he'd find me. He's powerful. And if I tried to say anything to anyone . . ."

"Nobody would believe you."

Kahoko nodded, and Fuuyumi saw tears welling up in her eyes. Timidly, she stepped forward and laid her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "I would believe you."

Kahoko smiled. "Thank you, Fuuyumi."

"You can call me Shoko."

"Thank you, Shoko. You're probably the only one who _would _believe me."

Shoko decided to change the subject. "Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

Kahoko looked at the darkening sky. "I don't want to bother you."

Shoko shook her head. "It's the least I could do. Just a moment." Shoko darted off to get her clarinet case. When she returned, she reached out and took Kahoko's hand, giving it a friendly squeeze and smiling when the other girl squeezed back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note****: Erm, so the quality is probably lacking in this chapter, but apparently I'm on a roll (and my sleep schedule is COMPLETELY out of whack because of traveling and time zone changes) and I've been enjoying this whole chapter-a-day nonsense. Who knows how long it'll last. So yes, apologies for the unrefined writing. But then again, it's fanfiction, so it's not like it's a HUGE deal, yeah?  
>Much love to my readers and reviewers. Thank you for your support!<br>**

* * *

><p>When Kahoko arrived home, she said hello to her mother and quickly went upstairs into her room, closing the door behind her. She crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head, clutching one of her pillows to her chest. She felt disgusting, exhausted, and completely confused. Not too long ago, she had thought that <em>maybe<em> Yunoki cared for her. He had been so sweet, so kind, and then . . .

She shuddered. She had known he could be cruel, but she hadn't imagined _that._ _Why _would he do that to her?

That one night, when he had come to her house, when he had slept in her bed—_this _bed— with her, he had been different. She had wondered if he was starting to open up to her. Maybe he was learning to trust her. Maybe he needed her.

_Serves you right._

Kahoko couldn't bear it. She let the tears flow, trying to muffle her sobs in her pillow so that her mother wouldn't hear.

_Why does he hate me? Why does he hate me so?_

* * *

><p>Yunoki paced in his room.<p>

_You shouldn't have done that. That was over the line. You're disgusting._

He wanted to call Kahoko. He wanted to drive to her house and kneel down, press his forehead to the ground and beg for her forgiveness.

_It was inhuman. What were you trying to accomplish?_

He needed to turn off his brain. He needed to relax.

Yunoki stalked off to the tea room, glanced around in the darkness, and ground his teeth together to keep from screaming. He didn't want _tea. _He wanted to break something, preferably something important. Something dear to him. He wanted it to _hurt_.

He looked at the cups and pots stored in the room. Antiques. Hundreds of years old. Family heirlooms. His fingers twitched, but he knew better.

_They belong to your family. They represent your heritage. _

_Your honor._

Yunoki went back to his room and shut the door.

_I'm a monster. I don't deserve . . . I don't deserve . . ._

He sank down to the floor, rocking back and forth as he cried.

_Kahoko. My Kahoko. Can you ever forgive me?_

* * *

><p>Kahoko greeted the next morning with dread. She had slept fitfully. The majority of the night had been spent going back and forth in her mind about Yunoki, but in the end, she had decided to drop it.<p>

If she didn't matter to him, then she needed to convince herself that he didn't matter to her.

She didn't feel ready to face him at school, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd won. Surely he'd see her absence as a sign of defeat.

Kahoko brushed her teeth and, after studying her reflection in the mirror, decided that a quick shower was needed before heading downstairs. She noticed some bruising on her arm where Yunoki had grabbed her, but she tried not to look at it.

Tried not to think about it.

Tried.

When she finally sat at the breakfast table, her mother kept asking whether or not Kahoko was feeling okay, but she managed to divert the questions. She really didn't feel like eating anything, but she managed to stomach enough food so that her mother wouldn't have another reason to be concerned.

_I can do this. I can do this._

She thought of Shoko's kindness, and knowing that she had a friend on her side helped a lot.

After thanking her mother for breakfast, Kahoko made her way upstairs and got dressed. She was in the bathroom fixing her hair when those unwanted thoughts broke past her guard.

_My hair. He grabbed my hair. He used it to—_

Kahoko rushed to the toilet and threw up. She heard a knock on the door and her mother's concerned voice.

"Kahoko, are you okay?"

Kahoko tried to answer, but opening her mouth only triggered another bout of vomiting.

The doorknob rattled as her mother unlocked it from the outside. "Kahoko!"

Gentle hands were stroking her hair, pulling it away from her face, rubbing her back.

"I don't think you should go to school today, dear."

Kahoko shook her head.

_I have to. I can't let him win. _

"Honey, I hate to say it, but I was worried when you came home last night. You looked _awful_, and then you went straight up into your room and to bed."

Kahoko tried to say "mom, I'm fine," but her voice cracked on the first word and it only induced dry heaving.

When it had finally stopped, her mother handed her a glass of water. "Clean up, put on your pajamas, and go back to bed. I'm going to call the school."

"Mom, I don't want—"

"You don't have to go to the doctor if you don't want to, dear. This is probably just a twenty-four hour flu. If you're still feeling sick tomorrow, then we'll discuss it."

Kahoko gave up. It was no use fighting. She nodded.

When her mom bent down to kiss her on the forehead, she couldn't help but remember when Yunoki had done the exact same thing, and she clenched her hands into fists, trying to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>Seeing that she wasn't at school the next day, Fuuyumi put together a care package and brought it over to Kahoko's house.<p>

They didn't talk about _it. _They ate the snacks that Fuuyumi had packed and watched doramas on television. Well, they _tried_ to, but then Fuuyumi could see that the complicated relationships were making Kahoko uncomfortable, and they ended up watching talent shows instead. It was a safer subject.

There wasn't much conversation between the two of them, but as Fuuyumi got up to leave, Kahoko gave her a big hug and thanked her for the company.

On a whim, Fuuyumi paused in the doorway, turned around and told Kahoko to call her if she ever needed anything. If being alone was too much, or if she needed a distraction, she was willing to help. Fuuyumi offered her home, said that Kahoko could spend the night any time that she wanted to.

Kahoko had tears in her eyes, but she just smiled and thanked her warmly.

Fuuyumi wished she could do more, she wished she had the guts to go to Yunoki's house and give him a piece of her mind, but she was glad that she had at least done a little.

* * *

><p>Yunoki's pride wouldn't let him apologize to Kahoko. He understood how low he had stooped. He spent hours in anguish, nights without sleep thinking about the kind of person he had become . . . but he still couldn't take it back.<p>

Part of what disgusted him the most was he knew that if he _did _apologize, a small fraction of himself would be lying.

Because he _had _enjoyed it.

The whole _point_ of him seeking companionship with Kahoko was that he would be able to exert power over somebody. He had wanted to understand how that felt. He had wanted to savor that feeling, to keep it in reserve for all those times when he was powerless to control his own life, his own destiny.

So instead of begging for forgiveness, instead to trying to make it up to her somehow, he did the next best thing that his pride would allow. He cut off all contact with her.

No text messages. No phone calls. If they ran into each other at school, he never dropped his cheerful fake façade.

It hurt to see her avoiding him. It hurt to see her finding excuses to leave when Hihara invited her to come hang out with them, but Yunoki didn't blame her. He couldn't blame her.

The biggest problem was that he still wanted her, and now that he was distancing himself, it seemed like his desire to be with her only grew. It made him crazy, but he was determined not to give in.


	10. Chapter 10

**Edit****: ****A reviewer kindly pointed out that my verb-tense-usage in this chapter was ALL OVER THE PLACE. Sorry about that, guys. I guess that's why I oughtn't post chapters online right after I write them.  
>Hopefully I've fixed allmost of the issues.**

* * *

><p>It was only natural that Kahoko felt fearful whenever she encountered Yunoki at school. Much to her relief, she soon realized that he was avoiding her as well. She had to wonder <em>why<em> he kept his distance, though. Did he regret what he had done to her? Did he feel guilty? Was _this _was his way of apologizing?  
>Kahoko didn't like to think about it because she realized that part of her mind was trying to rationalize his behavior.<p>

As if she was okay with it. As if she'd already forgiven him.

Still, she found herself reflecting back to the night he'd visited her home. She couldn't help but think of the expression on his face when he said, "Kahoko, I didn't visit you tonight for _sex."_  
>The way he'd asked <em>permission<em> before kissing her in her bedroom.

It kept nagging at Kahoko in the back of her mind. There was some important detail that was screaming to be noticed, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Something about that night triggered the change in Yunoki's behavior. And the most important question, the question that bothered her to no end was whether the _change_ in his behavior should be associated with the night at her home where he had been so kind to her, or the evening on the rooftop where he had been so cruel. One of those two events had to represent his actual intentions, his _true _desires toward her—it was just a matter of deciding which one.

But what if she was wrong?

Kahoko tried to keep it out of mind.

_Tried._

Instead, she studied. She practiced her violin. She hung out with Nao and Mio and, more frequently now, Shoko Fuuyumi. She even spent time with Ryotaro Tsuchiura. Sometimes he took her places, to a café or a movie, but she tried not to over-analyze it. It was just so _easy _to be around him. He made her laugh. He made her feel _safe. _And the time they spent together couldn't be labeled as actual_ "_dates", because he never called them that. Right?

Kahoko supposed that this was just another thing that she was in denial about. Another idea that she refused to entertain.

Perhaps her problem was just with relationships in general.

* * *

><p>A month and a half after "the incident", while she was walking home from the music shop that she had gone to with Tsuchiura after school (he'd played the piano for her, done some jazz infused cover of a ridiculous pop song just to make her laugh), her phone buzzed. It was a text from Yunoki. Three words that made her heart stop.<p>

"_I need you."_

Kahoko ran the rest of the way home, kicked off her shoes, and dashed up to her room, slamming the door shut and trying to decide how she was supposed to respond.

Maybe she wouldn't. Maybe if she ignored it, nothing would happen.

Kahoko curled up in bed, and five minutes later, her phone buzzed again.

"_Are you at home?"_

Against her better judgment, Kahoko answered to that one.

"_Yes."_

"_I'm sending a car."_

Kahoko knew she shouldn't go, but she had to admit that she was curious. Maybe it was some sort of sick desire on her part to try and understand Yunoki. To try and comprehend how someone could act so cheerful to the general public, but be capable of causing so much pain in private.

Her doorbell rang fifteen minutes later, and Kahoko went downstairs to answer it. It was Yunoki's driver.

* * *

><p>The driver dropped her off at a hotel. Nervously, Kahoko went up to the front desk and asked for a reservation under the name Azuma Yunoki. She gave her own name, and the receptionist handed her a room key.<p>

She tried to keep calm on the elevator, but failed.

_What if it's a repeat of the last time? What if it's _worse?_ Who knows what he's capable of? You should leave._

Kahoko walked to the door number designated on the key and hesitated.

_What are you doing? Leave! Turn around and run. Why would he wait so long before contacting you again? What has he been planning? This could be dangerous. Get out before it's too late!_

But she didn't. Hands shaking, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Yunoki was seated on the bed, and Kahoko was shocked by his appearance. He was dressed in his school uniform, but his jacket and tie had been removed and were draped over the back of a chair. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, his sleeves rolled up. He had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Kahoko closed the door behind her, her fingers resting on the lock.

_Don't do it. What if you need to escape quickly? You'll only be encouraging him._

She slid the bolt home, and the sound caught Yunoki's attention. He looked up at her and rose to his feet. Kahoko instinctively took a step back, and he seemed to understand her fear. He sat back down on the bed and gestured for her to come to him instead.

She walked forward slowly, stopping when she stood directly in front of him. Gently, Yunoki reached out and took hold of her arm, brushing his fingers over her wrist, tracing the spot where he'd bruised her the last time. He wouldn't meet her eyes. He released her wrist and stood, and Kahoko flinched away from him.

She didn't know what she was expecting him to do, but Yunoki just pulled her close and held her. Her whole body was tensed, ready to flee at the first sign of abuse, but nothing happened. Unconsciously, Kahoko began to relax against him.

Kahoko wondered if maybe she was right, maybe he regretted what he had done. At the same time, she feared his gentleness because the last time he had acted kindly toward her, he'd followed it with cruelty.

Yunoki released her, reaching up with one hand to cup her face. Kahoko realized that his fingers were trembling. He met her eyes and she saw something in his expression, something that was familiar but she couldn't name.

Yunoki leaned down and kissed her softly, lingering for a moment before stepping away. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away from her, walking toward the window and staring out of it. She saw his hands clench into fists and Kahoko finally realized what it was that she couldn't identify.

The expression on his face a few moments ago, the same one that she'd noticed the night he visited her home—it was _fear._

Her instincts told her that this was her chance to leave. That he'd given her space, given her a chance to escape before the tables turned. But the gears in her mind were turning, and Kahoko kept thinking about the text Yunoki had sent today.

"_I need you."_

Maybe he hadn't intended to be commanding or snarky or even seductive. Maybe he was admitting something that scared him. Something that had taken him a month and a half to build up the courage to say.

Kahoko approached Yunoki, and he watched her reflection in the glass of the window, turning around when she finally reached him. Ignoring the warnings in her head, Kahoko leaned in and kissed him. As he responded, it quickly turned from something gentle to something barely controlled, and she could sense the desperation in Yunoki's touch.

He had her backed up against the wall, shivering from something _other _than nerves as he kissed his way down her neck. The voices in her mind warning her to leave had quieted, replaced by ones urging her to _get on with it already_. Her hands slid up his chest, starting to unbutton his shirt, and Yunoki took this as a signal, helping to rid themselves of their clothes and pushing her back onto the bed.

He fumbled in his wallet for a condom, and Kahoko realized that he was impatient, that he was not going to prep her at all, and she cried out as he entered her. He waited and caught his breath before pushing forward, and she could tell that he was trying to take it slow, but his control was quickly slipping. She kept thinking back to that text message.

"_I need you."_

Yunoki set a quick pace, he was almost _too _rough, and Kahoko hoped that there wasn't anyone in the hotel room next door.

"_I need you."_

He reached down, tilting her hips upward and shifting their position, and Kahoko wasn't _completely_ successful at stifling her exclamation of surprise. He moved faster and faster, starting to fall out of rhythm.

"_I need you."_

He found release, and she followed him right over the edge, digging her fingers into his back and riding it out right along with him.

They lay together afterward, trying to slow their breathing, and Kahoko realized that they hadn't spoken a single word out loud since she'd walked into the room. She got up, gathered her clothes, and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed (it _was _a school night, and she didn't want her mother to worry). When she returned, Yunoki was already gone. She picked up her phone and looked through her text messages, realizing that he'd gone through and deleted all of the ones she'd received from him, except the one that said he was sending a car to get her. She gathered the rest of her belongings and exited the room, making her way back to the lobby downstairs.

Even though the message was gone, the words were still fixed in her mind.

"_I need you."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note****: Sorry for the disappearance, guys. Hopefully I'll get this story finished before the Fall semester begins and I fall off the grid again.**

**To my lovely readers and (especially) reviewers, THANK YOU. This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your support.**

* * *

><p>When Kahoko returned to school the next day, there weren't any obvious changes in Yunoki's behavior toward her. He still wasn't talking to her openly, but somehow Kahoko felt a <em>little <em>less anxious around him. She also noticed that he looked better—more rested, like he'd actually been getting some sleep at night.

Kahoko sincerely hoped that this was a good sign.

* * *

><p>On Friday morning, Kahoko was walking toward her first class when she saw Yunoki walking toward her in the hallway. He made eye contact and gestured for her to follow him before turning down an adjacent corridor. Kahoko looked down at her watch. She was actually <em>early <em>for once, and still had ten minutes before class began.

Kahoko turned the corner and jumped slightly as Yunoki popped into view. He placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her to private corner. "Have you any plans after school?" he asked quietly.

Kahoko pretended to consult her memory. "I . . . don't think so."

He actually_ smiled _at that, and Kahoko stopped breathing for a moment. It was almost annoying how perfect he looked sometimes.

"Good. I'll see you this evening then." He turned to walk away, but paused mid-step. "If that's okay with you."

_Is he actually _asking _for my permission?_

"Of course," Kahoko responded.

Yunoki nodded, and left without another word. Kahoko watched him walk away.

_Of course? Why did I say that?_

Only a few days ago she would have shuddered at the thought of spending time with Yunoki.

_Azuma_, her mind corrected.

Kahoko shook her head. _No. It's Yunoki. I need not be on such intimate terms with him._

She needed to remember that Yunoki was _not _a polite gentleman, no matter how he acted in public. Regardless of what they had done together, she needed to exercise caution. She needed to keep her distance emotionally, if not physically.

_But what about the last time you were together? He was different. Maybe he's changed._

Kahoko shrugged and started to walk back toward her class.

_Even if he has, it doesn't make him any less dangerous. This kindness is just a phase, and I won't be caught in that trap again._

As she settled into her desk and said hello to Nao and Mio, Kahoko tried to push all thoughts of Yunoki out of her mind, but that text from before kept floating back into her mind.

_What if he really _does _need me?_

* * *

><p>When Kahoko got home that afternoon, her mother announced that there was a rather large package for her. There was no sender name or return address, so Kahoko took it up to her room and closed the door before opening it. She had a pretty good idea who it might be from, and didn't know whether or not the contents would be something her mother ought to see.<p>

There was a note inside, written in elegant script:

_Kahoko,_

_I'd like to take you out to dinner this evening. I was unsure as to whether or not you own appropriate attire for such an event, so I arranged to have this sent to you. My driver will pick you up at seven._

_-A._

Kahoko wondered briefly how he'd gotten her measurements, and then blushed as the obvious answer came to her. Nervously, she unwrapped the contents of the box. Nestled inside was a beautiful silver evening gown. It was simple enough, and Kahoko breathed a sigh of relief that it didn't have a plunging neckline or a high slit in the skirt. It was safe—elegant without being overly formal. There were a couple other wrapped bundles, and Kahoko discovered that Yunoki had included shoes and jewelry to complement the dress. _Of course._

Kahoko placed it all gently on her bed and took a step back. She was trying to estimate how much it all cost when her mother knocked on the door. She jumped and looked around frantically for a place to hide the dress.

"Kahoko," her mother called through the door. "Kahoko, what was in that big box?"

"Um," Kahoko unfolded a blanket and tucked it over her bed, hoping her mother wouldn't notice the lumps underneath. "Just…something for school."

"Well, I'm curious about it. I'd like to have a look."

"It's nothing, really."

"I still want to know what was in it. Unless you're hiding something from me."

"Hold on, I'm…changing." Great, now her mother wanted to actually _see _what was in the box. Kahoko pulled a pile of sheet music out of her schoolbag and spread it on top of the blanket, placing the empty box beside it. Satisfied, Kahoko opened her door.

Her mother looked at the music and the empty box and frowned.

"See? Nothing exciting." Kahoko shrugged to emphasize how unenthused she was.

"You're still in your uniform?"

Kahoko looked down at her clothes. "I just got home a couple minutes ago, Mom. You saw me."

"But you just said you were changing."

_Crap_.

Kahoko tried to keep her face impassive as she scrambled to come up with a believable response. "I . . . "

Before she could react, her mother stepped forward and pulled the blanket off the top of the bed, revealing Yunoki's gift.

_Crap._

Kahoko knew that freaking out would only make the situation worse, so she squashed the urge to throw herself between her mother and the bed and formulate some ridiculous cover story. Her mother stood there in shock, and Kahoko said a silent prayer of thanks that Yunoki hadn't included matching lingerie.

"Kahoko—ˮ she started a question, but then her attention was drawn to the slip of paper on the comforter. Kahoko's mother snatched the note off the bed before her daughter could interfere. Her eyes skimmed over the text and Kahoko felt the blood rushing to her face. Her mother set the note back down, and Kahoko steeled herself for the lecture that was sure to come.

"Is he rich?" her mother blurted.

"I—_what?"_ Kahoko sputtered. She hadn't been expecting that one.

"Well if he can afford to buy you all of _this,_" she gestured to the bed, "for nothing more than a date, then either he loves you desperately or he's quite wealthy." She picked up the necklace and examined the jewels. They looked real enough. "Or both."

"I don't—ˮ

"Either way, it's a good thing that my plans fell through this evening. You're going to need help getting ready."

* * *

><p>"There. Take a look."<p>

Kahoko glanced in the mirror and gasped. She looked . . . _different. _Older, more mature.

"Beautiful," her mother confirmed.

They had spent the last couple hours getting Kahoko as close to perfection as possible. The dress fit like a dream, the cut elegantly emphasizing what curves she _did _have and the light silvery color nicely complimenting the red of her hair as well as the rubies glimmering in her necklace and earrings. Kahoko was relieved that her mother didn't ask how her date had known her size. Her hair was drawn back into an elegant updo, a few curled ringlets escaping to frame her face. Kahoko's older sister had even come home long enough to give a couple pointers on makeup before leaving to spend the evening with her own friends. Kahoko fought the urge to touch her face for fear of smudging her eye makeup or messing up her manicure.

She thought it was all a bit much for a dinner date, but her mother wouldn't hear of it. "If he's gone so far as to provide the ensemble that you'll be wearing," she'd said, "we're going to make sure he never forgets what you look like_ in_ it."

Still, there was a half hour before Yunoki's driver would arrive to pick her up, and Kahoko thought she would go crazy if her mother spent another minute fussing over her. She wobbled slightly in her high heels as she walked toward her violin case. When her mother made a sound of protest, Kahoko shook her head firmly. "I won't mess up my hair or nails, I promise. I just need to calm my nerves and kill some time, okay?"

Her mother nodded her understanding and stepped forward to kiss her daughter on the cheek. "You're all grown up," she whispered. With a sniff and a quick dab at her eyes with a tissue, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Kahoko opened the case, pulled out her violin and bow, and sighed. If only her mother knew just _how _grown up she really was. Eyes closed, she coaxed a melancholy melody from the strings, urging her racing pulse to slow as she lost herself in the music.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note****: So Chapters 11, 12, and 13 were _supposed _to be one chapter, but I got a little wordy. And 6,000-word chapters are nice and all, but it's probably better broken up. That length is almost a novella, haha. Plus, you get updates faster this way. :)**

**Thank you to all my wonderful readers (yes, _you_), and hugs to everyone who leaves reviews. Those email notifications make my day.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Yunoki's driver pulled up to the curb, got out of the car, and opened the door for Kahoko. He held out his gloved hand to assist her, and she accepted gratefully. The restriction of the dress made it harder to move than usual, and Kahoko had been worrying how she'd manage to get out of the car without falling on her face. As she turned to thank the driver, another man approached, bowing as he came to a stop beside her. "Miss Hino?" he asked.<p>

Kahoko nodded. "Yes?"

"I am to show you inside."

"Oh." She was surprised by how formal this all seemed. "Okay."

He offered his arm, and she took it to steady herself as she wobbled in her high-heeled shoes. It took complete focus just to manage walking in a _somewhat_ elegant manner, so Kahoko barely noticed the elegant furnishings of the hotel lobby. As they approached the entrance of the restaurant, the man released her arm, gave another bow, and walked away.

Before Kahoko had time to worry, yet _another _man approached. "I will show you to your table, Miss Hino."

Kahoko nodded and followed him into the dimly lit restaurant. She could hear the music of a string quartet performing, the buzz of conversation from other customers, and the clink of cutlery. It took Kahoko's eyes a few moments to adjust, and she walked slowly to avoid tripping or bumping into anyone.

Yunoki rose from his chair when he saw Kahoko approach. She stepped into the soft glow of candlelight surrounding their table and offered a shy smile in his direction, blushing as he stared at her, his lips parted slightly as if he'd forgotten what he was about to say.

She had to admit that Yunoki looked . . . well . . . _nice. _Where she felt like she was only playing dress-up in some other, more sophisticated woman's clothes, Yunoki looked like he actually _belonged _in his suit. It was a dark charcoal gray, perfectly tailored to fit his slim build. His hair was gathered back into a low ponytail. He _always _looked handsome, but the way he was attired only served to remind Kahoko of the difference in their social classes. Everything about his looks, his poise, said _I am out of your league, don't even _think_ about it._

Well, everything except for the way he was staring at her.

A waiter pulled out her chair and gestured for Kahoko to be seated. She thanked him, and the sound of her voice seemed to snap Yunoki back to the present. He took his seat, his face returning to its usual amused expression.

Another waiter came by and asked Kahoko what she would like to drink.

"Whatever you'd like, my dear," Yunoki purred. He gestured to his empty wineglass and the waiter nodded his acknowledgement.

"Um," Kahoko hesitated. What _were _you supposed to drink at a fancy place like this? "Um, I'll just have water, if that's okay?"

The waiter nodded and left.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?"

Kahoko frowned. "Aren't we a bit too young—ˮ

Yunoki waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that sort of thing here. It wouldn't be any trouble."

She shook her head. "No. I'll be fine with just water."

"Suit yourself."

The waiter returned with Kahoko's water. He refilled Yunoki's wineglass and left the bottle on the table. Yunoki saw Kahoko's startled expression and laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid or irresponsible. I have excellent self-control. You should know better than to doubt me."

Kahoko ducked her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean . . . "

Yunoki leaned forward, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. "Although_, _you do seem to have a rather _detrimental_ effect on my self-control, Kahoko. Who knows what may happen tonight?"

Kahoko shivered, and hoped that Yunoki would read it as an expression of desire rather than one of fear. The truth was, she felt uneasy sitting here at a table with _him_. In a fancy restaurant. In public. She didn't know how to act.

"Nervous?" Yunoki asked.

"A little," Kahoko admitted.

"About the restaurant, or about being here with me?"

She hesitated. There really wasn't any reason that she should lie to him. "A little bit of both," she finally said.

"Well, if it'll help to calm your nerves," Yunoki reached across the table, took her hand, and raised it to his lips, "you look beautiful."

Kahoko blushed and jerked her hand away, glancing around at the other diners.

Yunoki chuckled. "Don't worry, I wouldn't try anything in front of an audience."

Kahoko rolled her eyes. "Somehow I don't believe you."

"See? There you go again, testing me." His gaze met hers and Kahoko looked away quickly. "If I was less of a gentleman, I'd let you call my bluff."

Kahoko bit her lip and Yunoki grinned.

A waiter came by with their soup, and Kahoko realized that she'd hardly thought about having to _eat_ something. You know, without making a mess or staining her dress. _Of course_ the fabric wasn't a dark color, so anything she splattered on it would show. _Perfect._

As if he was reading her mind, Yunoki gestured at her with his soup spoon. "I'm glad that the dress fit. I didn't doubt my eye, but you never know with these things."

Kahoko was focused on unfolding her napkin and placing it on her lap. "Thank you." She looked up and gestured to the general vicinity. "For all of this."

Yunoki shrugged. "People go out to dinner all the time. I don't know why we shouldn't."

Kahoko held her tongue and tried to keep her face impassive. _Because we aren't exactly _dating? _Because _normal _teenagers could never afford something like this?_ "Well, thanks anyway," she responded lamely.

* * *

><p>Dinner went pretty well, all things considered. Kahoko quickly grew to appreciate the dimness of the restaurant. With the candles on the table, it felt like she and Yunoki were in their own little bubble of light. An illusion of privacy.<p>

The food was delicious, of course, and even though she didn't understand the names of some of the dishes, Kahoko tried everything that was placed in front of her. Even when Yunoki uncorked the bottle of wine and splashed a small amount into an empty glass for her after the main entrée was served. "You don't have to drink it if you don't want to," Yunoki said, "but I think it's something you ought to at least _try_."

Kahoko looked at him skeptically, and he shook his head in response. "Kahoko, _really. _If I was planning on getting you drunk in order to take advantage of you, I would have done it a long time ago."

He had a point, and she eventually conceded to take a couple small sips. Nothing more. He didn't pressure her into anything, and Kahoko realized how _relaxed _she was, sitting across the table from _Azuma Yunoki _of all people_, _dressed up in a nice gown and heels and jewelry, with her hair and nails and makeup done_. _It was unbelievable. Besides the setting, though, there was something different about the evening, and it took Kahoko a while to figure out what it was.

Yunoki was actually treating her like a _person_, not like an object. He sounded sincere and interested when he spoke to her, not condescending. The conversation was casual, and Kahoko realized that she'd never _really _talked with Yunoki. There hadn't ever been much of a need to.

As the evening progressed, Kahoko couldn't help but wonder what the _real _reason was for asking her out to dinner. Her growing suspicion was that this was his way of apologizing. She couldn't help but _hope_ that that's what it was, anyway.

Of course, Kahoko would have been fine with (or even preferred) something smaller. A heartfelt apology. Maybe not even _heartfelt, _just-_any_ apology. Spoken, written, it didn't matter. She _was _thankful for the "date" (if that was what it was), but this _event_ that cost more money than she wanted to consider . . .

It was ridiculous, but it was Yunoki, after all. She couldn't expect him to do things the usual way.

* * *

><p>After the final course was cleared away, Yunoki asked if she wanted to leave. "Only if you're ready," he added.<p>

Kahoko nodded. The "date" had already gone on a lot longer than she'd expected.

They stood, and Yunoki placed a hand on the small of her back, leading her away from the table. "Unless," he added, "you'd like to dance with me?"

The live music was still playing, and Kahoko could make out couples dancing together in the distance. "No," she said. "I don't know how."

"I could teach you," Yunoki offered. "It's pretty simple."

Kahoko shook her head. "No, thank you. I think I'm pretty tired."

"Okay then." Yunoki steered her away from the spinning couples and back out into the hotel lobby. "We'll just head back to the room."

Kahoko had figured that they'd end up back at a hotel room by the end of the night, but she still panicked slightly as Yunoki pressed the call button on the elevator. The doors opened with a ding, and he slipped his arm around her waist as they stepped inside.

_This is it_, Kahoko thought. _He had his time in public to be sweet and romantic, and now he's going to take me somewhere private. Someplace where he can be cruel to me and not have to worry about witnesses or being interrupted. Why else would he have gone through all this effort if he wasn't planning on getting anything out of it?  
><em>

Kahoko closed her eyes and focused on steadying her breathing. The elevator stopped, and she swallowed nervously. The doors slid open, and they stepped forward, walking down a richly carpeted hallway.

They stopped in front of a door numbered 1532 and Yunoki looked at her curiously. "Are you feeling okay?"

Kahoko nodded, not trusting her voice enough to respond. She tried to smile convincingly. It must not have worked because Yunoki only shrugged in response. He reached inside his coat, pulled out a card key, and swiped it through the reader in the doorknob, which responded with a soft click. Yunoki held the door open and gestured inside the room. "Ladies first."

* * *

><p><strong><span>More Author's Notes<span>****: **

****I realize that there are various titles for people who work in the customer service portion of restaurants, but I'm unfamiliar with the setup and how to differentiate. Basically everyone in this chapter was referred to as a waiter. Sorry if that's completely wrong. :/ ****

****If you're wondering wtf is going on and why nothing of substance has happened in the last two chapters, hopefully it'll make sense after the next one. :)  
><strong>**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note****: Chapter is 98% fluff (but then again, I guess a LOT of this story is...). And written while under the influence of cold medicine. Consider yourself warned. :)**

**Love to all you readers and reviewers!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Azuma watched Kahoko step inside the room and slipped the "Do Not Disturb" sign onto the outside handle of the door before closing and locking it. The window curtains had been left open, and light from the city spilled inside, filling the room with a muted glow.<p>

Kahoko had stopped walking about halfway into the room. She looked nervous, but that was to be expected. Azuma hadn't always been very gentle with her.

_A regrettable mistake on my part_, he thought sadly.

She just stood there, her head turned so she wouldn't have to look directly at him, her hands clasped together. Trying to look stronger than she felt.

"Kahoko," Azuma said, his voice sounding too loud in the quiet room.

She glanced up at him, then looked away just as quickly. He walked up to her, gently placing his fingers beneath her chin and turned her to face him directly. Azuma waited for her to make eye contact before he leaned down and kissed her. It started out soft, and he gradually deepened it, smiling slightly as she responded to his advances. When he finally broke away, they were both a little breathless. "I've been wanting to do that all evening," he murmured, leaning in for another.

As he kissed her, his hands trailed down the back of her dress, pausing at her waist before slipping down a little farther and grasping her hips, pulling her against him. Kahoko made a little sound of encouragement that nearly undid Azuma, and he moved away, taking a moment to regain control before returning to kiss his way down her neck. Kahoko shivered and he smiled against her skin.

"Have I already told you how breathtakingly _beautiful _you look tonight?" Kahoko gasped as he grazed her skin with his teeth. "Because you are."

"I can't . . . take all . . .the . . . credit," she managed to say.

"Oh?"

"N-no, I . . ." she seemed to lose her train of thought as he moved his hips against hers.

He chuckled and stepped back. "You were saying?"

"Oh." Kahoko flushed bright red. "_This,_" she gestured to her face and hair, "is the work of my mother. She saw the package from you and grabbed the note before I could stop her." Kahoko frowned. "I'm just glad that you didn't include underwear to complete the set, because I think she might have freaked."

Azuma smiled. "I considered it." He pulled her close again. "Maybe next time."

He continued kissing her, keeping the pace as slow and languid as possible. It took a few minutes, but Kahoko's fingers finally drifted downward and settled on his belt buckle. He swatted them away playfully. "Eager, are we?"

"You don't . . . usually . . ."

"I know." He placed a single kiss on her forehead before leaning to whisper in her ear. "Remember what I said earlier about your effect on my self-control?" His hands trailed down her arms. "I wasn't exaggerating." He entwined his fingers with hers. "I'm always _rushing_ with you, Kahoko. I'm always so eager, so desperate to have you, to _feel _you, that I never stop to think. I never take time to _savor _the experience." He pressed his lips to her neck, feeling her pulse hammering beneath the skin. "That's why I'm trying to do things a little differently tonight. I'm trying to slow things down. To _savor _the experience. Are you okay with that, Kahoko?"

"I—"

But it was a rhetorical question. Azuma cut off the rest of her sentence with a kiss, and then another, and another, until she was making sounds that he usually only heard from her when she was completely undressed.

Azuma marveled that all of this was his doing. Before him, Kahoko had never even kissed a man, let alone _slept _with one, and yet here she was, her fingers clawing gently at the fabric of his shirt. The idea that he was the only one she had ever been intimate with was empowering. Azuma couldn't help but feel a little possessive.

_My Kahoko. My beautiful, sweet Kahoko._

Drawing things out this long was driving him nearly mad, and when her hands made a second appearance at his belt, Azuma was only too happy to move on to the next stage. He unzipped her dress, holding his breath as the fabric pooled around her feet. Kahoko stepped out of the pile, quickly picking up the dress and draping it over a chair. "I don't want it to get wrinkled," she said defensively.

Azuma smiled and knelt in front of her. She looked down at him in confusion, but he bent down to unbuckle her shoes, kissing his way back up her legs as he returned to his feet. Kahoko stepped out of the shoes and reached for his tie, and Azuma noted that her fingers were trembling.

_Always a good sign_.

They had been moving toward the bed, and when Azuma felt the back of his knees hit the mattress, he sat down, pulling Kahoko onto his lap. He reached up to tuck a loose tendril of hair behind her ear and saw that she had turned her face away. Her eyes were closed, and she was making a visible effort to slow and steady her breathing. Azuma felt the weight of sadness press down upon him.

_Of course._

Kahoko wasn't with him by choice, he needed to remember that. Every time he'd been with her, he'd forced her hand. Sometimes a bit too harshly. He'd hurt her. Perhaps she hated him—even now. Perhaps she wanted nothing more than to run away from him, but was afraid that he'd catch her. That he'd punish her.

Azuma sighed. He rested his head against the curve of her neck and closed his eyes. "Kahoko," he admitted, "I'm afraid."

It took several seconds for her to respond. "Why are you afraid?"

_I'm afraid that you might hate me._

_I'm afraid that I'll spend my entire life surrounded by people, but nobody will ever _really _know me. Nobody will understand me. That I'll be alone until I die._

_I'm afraid that you were my chance at salvation, and that I made a terrible mistake._

"Azuma?"

And just like that, Azuma felt the burden lift slightly.

Kahoko repeated herself. "Azuma, why are you afraid?"

Azuma smiled to himself, glad that she couldn't see. Hearing his name from _her _lips calmed him.

_Maybe there is hope after all._

He kept his face hidden as he responded. "I'm leaving."

He heard Kahoko inhale sharply. "What?"

"I'm going to England. It's for the family business, I'll be representing them overseas temporarily. It should only be for two or three weeks, though there's no way to know for sure how long everything will take."

"When?"

Azuma laughed. "That's actually what tonight was all about. A little going-away party." He sighed. "I leave tomorrow morning." And then, maybe because her hands were stroking his hair, he was struck with an idea. He sat up and looked directly at Kahoko. "Come with me," he said.

"_What?_"

"Come with me to England." _So I won't be alone, _he added silently.

"But—what about school?"

Yunoki waved his hand dismissively. "That's easily taken care of. We can have your assignments sent over by fax or email. By post, even. And exams can be made up once you return."

"But what about family? Friends? What would I tell my _mother?_"

Azuma shrugged. "I'm sure we could—"

But Kahoko was shaking her head emphatically. "No. I'm sorry, but I _can't_."

_Well, it was worth a shot._

"Okay," Azuma finally responded after a few moments had passed. "Okay." He pulled her down for a kiss, glad to see that she had relaxed considerably. "I have one request, then."

"What is it?"

"Will you stay here with me tonight?"

"I—" she bit her lip as she thought about it. After a minute of contemplation, she sighed. "Alright. But only because it's a special occasion."


	14. Chapter 14

Kahoko woke the next morning and stretched. When she realized that she wasn't wearing any clothes and had no idea where she was, she had a moment of panic before the memories slowly resurfaced in her half-awake mind. She looked over to the other side of the bed and found it empty.

_Right_, she thought, _he's already on his way to England._

England.

It was such a strange, far-away land. Kahoko had been completely shocked when Yunoki had asked her to accompany him. She was glad that she'd said no, though.

_Just imagine, a few weeks with nobody but Yunoki. _She shivered.

Kahoko saw a bathrobe draped across the back of a chair and slipped it on. As she tied the sash, she noticed a single red rose in a vase on the bedside table. Lying beside it was a note written in a familiar hand. It read:

_My beautiful Kahoko,_

_I regret not being able to see you wake, but I did not wish to disturb your sleep._

_By now I will already be on a plane to England. I will not have access to my phone while I'm there, so I won't be able to contact you until I return. Hopefully it will not be too long._

_I have purchased a set of clothes for you to wear when you leave the hotel. Gorgeous as it is, I did not think you would find it prudent to be returning home in the same dress in which you left. The outfit is hanging in the closet. I have also arranged for breakfast to be sent to your room. Call the front desk and let them know when you're ready for it to be prepared and sent up. Check-out time is 12:30, so it would be best if you were ready by then. Call to notify the desk when you are leaving, and my driver will be in the downstairs lobby to take you home._

_The rose is for you. Though I regret that you are not accompanying me on this trip, I must thank you for spending the evening with me. It was quite enjoyable, and I think the memory of it will serve me well while I am away._

_I shall see you when I return._

_Azuma_

Kahoko sat back down on the bed, staring at the note. She didn't know how to feel anymore.

* * *

><p>Kahoko closed the door silently behind her as she entered her house. She crept toward the staircase and was on the third step before she heard her mother's voice.<p>

"Kahoko. I'd like to speak with you."

She groaned inwardly and headed back down the stairs. Her mother was _supposed _to be in a meeting at the town library. Instead, Kahoko found her mother seated in the living room, and sat gingerly on the chair beside her. She waited for her mother to speak and looked down at the floor, preferring to avoid eye contact.

"You didn't call me," her mother said.

"I'm sorry mom, I—"

"No, Kahoko. Don't lie to me, please. I know _exactly _what you were doing."

Kahoko fought to keep the blush out of her cheeks.

"I'm less upset about that than over the fact that I had _no idea _where you were or who you were with. I remembered the initial that he used to sign that note, but I didn't know if that was his family name or his given name, and that really didn't get me very far. I was _scared_, Kahoko."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I forgot."

Her mother shook her head. "Kahoko, I need to ask you a question."

_Here it comes, _Kahoko thought. "Yes, mother?"

"Are you pregnant?"

Kahoko looked up in shock. That wasn't what she'd been expecting at _all_. "No! Of course not."

"Are you sure?"

Kahoko flushed dark red. "Mom! I don't—"

Her mother held up her hands. "I just need to know." She looked away from her daughter, over to a family picture that was hanging on the wall. "Do you know what I thought when I saw the dress and everything else in that box, Kahoko?"

Kahoko shook her head.

"I thought you were going to run off with him. I thought you were going to get married, to elope and leave me here. I worried that you were pregnant and were jumping into this because you didn't know what else to do." Her mother sighed, "And then I saw his note, and I relaxed slightly. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as I'd feared."

Kahoko was flabbergasted. "Mom, I wouldn't—"

"You didn't come home last night, Kahoko. I know what that means."

Kahoko fought the panic, fought the urge to cry. She couldn't deny it.

"I wish you'd told me, Kahoko. Maybe I wouldn't have been as upset. I could have helped you. I don't want you to make these kind of big decisions without considering the consequences first."

Kahoko looked down at the rose she held in her fingers. _If only I could tell you the truth, Mom, _she thought. _I didn't choose this. He chose for me. I just wasn't strong enough to fight back._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>

Some of you may be thinking that Kahoko's mom didn't freak out as much as she should have. My thought is that she's been up most of the night worrying about her daughter. She's tired, and she'd relieved that Kahoko came home at _all_. At this point, I think Kahoko's mom realizes that a lecture isn't going to get her anywhere. She realizes that what her daughter needs most is her love and support. :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** So I've had this chapter sitting on my computer for over a week, but I was just never really _satisfied _with it. I've poked at it and tweaked it several times, and now I'm just giving up and posting it. Hopefully it's not as bad as I think it is. :/

* * *

><p>Kahoko went up to her room after she'd finished talking with her mother - more like, once she sensed that an appropriate amount of time had passed before she could leave the room without seeming too rude - but she soon found the confines of the house rather oppressive and went out to get some fresh air. She took her violin, music stand, and a folder full of sheet music and went off in search of an open space in which to play. After a bit of wandering, she found a park that seemed suitable enough and set up, smiling at the people who started to gather around as she took out her violin.<p>

Halfway through her second piece, Kahoko saw Kazuki Hihara. He had his trumpet case in hand and greeted her enthusiastically as soon as she finished playing. "Mind if I join you?" he asked.

She smiled. "Of course not!" Kahoko waited until Hihara had played through a couple warm-up exercises before turning to him and curtsying with a flourish. "Your public awaits, Mr. Hihara."

They took turns serenading the passerby and even played a few duets together. Kahoko found herself relaxing, laughing and joking with Hihara whenever he made a slip-up while transposing from her violin music.

When they finished their final piece, the small audience applauded heartily. One elderly woman even reached inside her grocery bags and took out two meronpan, giving them to Kahoko and Hihara as an offering of thanks for the music. They put away their instruments and sat down on a bench to enjoy the treat.

"Having a good Saturday so far?" Kahoko asked.

"I was, and it just got better."

"Why, because of the food?"

Hihara shook his head. "That too, but mostly for the company."

Kahoko blushed slightly. "Thank you, Hihara. It's good that you came by, actually. I think I needed some cheering up."

"Well, I'm glad I was able to help." He chewed thoughtfully for a few moments, then dared a glance at in Kahoko's direction. "I feel like I never see you anymore."

Kahoko frowned. "No, I've been kind of distant lately. There's been a lot going on."

"But not today?" Hihara asked.

She smiled. "No, not today."

* * *

><p>Kahoko didn't return home until evening, and when she did, the house was empty. She made her way up to her room and collapsed onto her bed. A splash of color caught her eye, and she turned to look at her desk.<p>

Her mother had taken the rose from Yunoki, trimmed it, and placed it into a small vase with some water. Kahoko sighed. Her mother did love her, and all things considered, she was extraordinarily accepting of the situation.

Not that her mother knew any of the details, but _still_.

* * *

><p>Monday morning arrived much too soon, and Kahoko switched off her alarm clock with a groan. She stretched and got out of bed, sleepily shuffling her way to the bathroom. When she returned to her room to get dressed, her eyes kept drifting over to the rose on her desk.<p>

Somehow, the sight gave her a sense of unease. Kahoko felt that she _should _feel happy and relieved that she wouldn't have to worry about dealing with Yunoki for a couple weeks (_or longer_, she hoped). This was her chance to _breathe_. To enjoy her life as it had been before . . . before all of _that_ had happened.

But the rose.

Even when he was thousands of miles away, Yunoki had managed to place this reminder of his presence in her life. Disguised as something beautiful, as a romantic gesture, what Yunoki had _really_ done was ensure that he was continually in her thoughts.

And though a growing part of her wanted to forgive him, wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he really _had _changed, that he really _did _care about her, when Kahoko looked at that rose, she felt a little sick.

* * *

><p>At school, Kahoko turned her focus to the things that were actually supposed to matter in her life: her homework, her classes, her music practice, and most importantly, her <em>friends.<em> Now that Yunoki was away, Kahoko was able to spend time with Nao and Mio, and she didn't have to awkwardly dodge questions about her evening or weekend plans.

It took a few days, but eventually Kahoko let her guard down. She felt herself smiling more, laughing more. She hung out with Hihara, with Nao and Mio, with Shoko, and more and more frequently, with Tsuchiura.

They started going to Minami's music shop together a few times a week under the pretense of practicing together. Before she knew it, Kahoko was spending almost every day (well, when Tsuchiura didn't have soccer practice, that is) after school with him.

It started gradually, but Kahoko noticed that he kept offering to pay for things when they went out. "I've got it," he'd said the second or third time they'd grabbed food on the way back from Minami's.

"Are you sure?" Kahoko had asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

"But I feel like—"

"_Kahoko_," he'd interrupted, an exasperated look on his face, "I'm trying to be a nice guy here. Won't you let me?"

She'd stopped arguing at that point. Sometimes she wondered what Tsuchiura expected from her. He never actually _said _the word "date," so Kahoko tried not to think of their time together in that way. _If Tsuchiura_ _wanted to date me_, Kahoko reasoned, _he'd just ask. He's a pretty straightforward guy._

The problem was, the more that Kahoko thought about it, the more she wasn't sure how she was _supposed_ to answer him if he _did _ask.

* * *

><p>Kahoko had largely forgotten about the rose in her room by the time the second week started. She noticed that it was starting to look a little sickly, and knew that she needed to trim it and change the water if she wanted it to stay alive, but she just kept forgetting to.<p>

It just didn't seem like that big of a deal.

* * *

><p>After school on the Monday of her third week without Yunoki, Tsuchiura and Kahoko had gone to the local Aquarium. There was a weekday special discount for students, and even though it was nearby, Kahoko hadn't gone since she was in Elementary School. Tsuchiura had insisted on accompanying Kahoko home, saying that it was dangerous for a girl to walk alone in the dark. The sun had barely started its descent below the horizon, but Kahoko didn't argue with him.<p>

They stopped outside the gate for her house, and Kahoko watched as the streetlights started flickering on. "Thank you for walking me home, Tsuchiura," she said. "It was very thoughtful."

Tsuchiura shrugged. "Anytime." He had his hands shoved in his pockets, but he stepped forward. "Kaho, there's something that I'd—"

She looked up at him, but as soon as she made eye contact, Tsuchiura trailed off. "Just kidding. Nevermind," he said.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Tsuchiura. You can tell me. I won't laugh, I promise. Unless it's meant to be funny," she added.

He hesitated. "I . . . I wanted to . . ."

"Wanted to what?"

Tsuchiura took a deep breath, leaned down, and kissed her softly.

Kahoko froze. She didn't know how to react. How she was _supposed to _react.

"Sorry," Tsuchiura said when he stepped back. "I just . . . it's easier than saying it." He laughed nervously. "You know me, a jock. I'm better with action than with words."

"It's okay," Kahoko said quietly. She held what she hoped was a warm smile on her face. "Good night, Tsuchiura," she said, and turned to hurry into her house.

She didn't allow herself to panic until she'd gotten to her room and closed the door. Her fingers stole up to her lips. _That kiss, _she thought, _it was so different from how . . . _

Kahoko trailed off as she looked at her desk.

The vase with the rose in it was gone. When she looked in the garbage bin in the corner, she saw the rose laying there, withered and black. She had neglected it, and her mother had thrown it away.

For some reason, _that _triggered the shock. Kahoko curled up into a little ball on the floor and cried and cried.


	16. Chapter 16

Yunoki entered the room quietly, smiling as he saw Kahoko asleep in bed. He leaned over and shook her shoulder gently. "Kahoko. Hey, Kahoko."

She opened her eyes slowly, frowning as she recognized his face. "Yunoki? What are you doing here?"

"Azuma," he corrected.

Kahoko sat up in bed, shivering slightly at the cold night air. "How did you get in my room, Azuma?"

He sat down on her bed. "My flight just landed. I couldn't wait to see you, so I came straight here."

"How did you get inside the house?"

Azuma raised an eyebrow. He pulled a brass key out of his pocket. "You gave me a key. Before I left. Don't you remember?"

"I—" Kahoko rubbed her eyes. "I guess. I'm sorry, I must still be asleep."

Azuma smiled. "It's okay. You're cute when you're sleepy." He leaned down and kissed her. "You don't know how long I've been thinking about doing that," he murmured.

"I suppose if you're here, that means you want…"

"Mmm, if you're willing."

He moved to kiss her again, but Kahoko pushed him away. "I should probably go brush my teeth first. I feel all gross from sleeping."

"I don't care. I need you. It's been too long."

"We have to be quiet," she managed to gasp in between heated kisses. "I don't want my parents—"

"My dear," Azuma interrupted her, "I don't think _I _am the one who needs to worry about making too much noise."

Kahoko blushed, but her hands moved to help him out of his clothes. She had just finished unbuttoning his shirt when she heard a light knock on her door. She froze. "Azuma, you should hide."

He scowled. "I don't see why—"

"What if it's my parents? Do you have any idea how much trouble I'd be in if they saw you in here—especially like this?" she hissed, gesturing to the bed. The knock sounded again and Kahoko pulled back her blankets. "Just get in."

Azuma grinned. "Eager, are we?"

"To _hide_."

Azuma shrugged and got under the covers. "If that's what you want to call it."

Kahoko drew the blankets over them both as the door opened. Tsuchiura stepped inside her room, closing the door quietly behind him. "Sorry I'm late," he said.

"Late?"

"You told me to be here an hour ago. It took longer than usual for everyone in my family to get to bed tonight. I figured you wouldn't mind, though. If you managed to fall asleep without my help, it just makes my job that much easier."

"Your…job?"

"Piano." He gestured to the small upright situated beside her desk. "Come on, Kaho. I know it's late, but surely you're not _that _out of it."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

Tsuchiura shook his head. "And this is why you need sleep. It does wonders for your think-tank," he said, tapping his temple. He opened the lid to the piano and pulled out the bench. "You said your family was coming back this weekend, right?"

"Wait. Tsuchiura, you came into my room to play piano for me?"

He stared at her. "Kaho, you _asked _me to. This is the third night in a row I've come here. You've been having trouble sleeping because the house is empty, and you said that this helps."

She blinked. "Oh. That's…that's very nice of you."

Tsuchiura shrugged. "I care about you, Kaho. I wouldn't be here otherwise." He sat down on the bench and started playing softly.

The music worked like a charm, and Kahoko found herself relaxing. Her eyelids started to droop shut and she prepared to drift off to sleep. She felt something brush against her thigh and her eyes snapped open.

"Forgetting something?" Azuma asked.

Kahoko flushed. "But—but Tsuchiura's here," she whispered.

"And?"

"Well we can't…you know…not if someone else is in the room."

Azuma sighed and pulled back the covers. His hair had gotten rumpled and he smoothed it with his fingers. "I don't see what the problem is."

"It's kind of rude, don't you think?"

"Kahoko, amuse me this once. I've been away from you for what, three weeks? I'm in your room, in your _bed_, and halfway undressed, and you mean to send me away?"

"But—"

"Besides, I don't think he'd mind. You wouldn't would you?" Azuma asked, raising his voice.

Kahoko dimly saw Tsuchiura shrug in the darkness. "I'm just here to provide music," he said. He kept his back to them and continued playing.

"See? All settled." Azuma said. "Now, if you'd let me pick up where I left off…"

Kahoko tried to voice her protest, but Azuma quickly cut her off. He wasted little time in removing the rest of their clothing. Kahoko clapped both hands over her mouth to stifle her cry as he entered her.

Something was wrong. It hurt. A _lot._

"Azuma," she said, "Azuma, stop. It hurts."

Azuma laughed, and when he grinned down at her, Kahoko noticed that his teeth were sharp and pointed.

"What—"

Azuma leaned down and sank his teeth into her neck, spilling blood onto her pillow. Kahoko screamed and tried to push him away, but he latched on. He grabbed her hips to pull her closer to him, and she could feel sharp claws cutting into her skin.

"Tsuchiura, help me! Please!"

He stopped playing the piano and looked at her. "I don't know what you want me to do, Kaho. Isn't this what you wanted from us?"

"Please, he's hurting me," she begged.

He frowned. "Are you willing to pay the price, Kaho?"

"Anything," she pleaded. "Just make it stop."

Tsuchiura slowly got to his feet. He opened the piano bench and removed something from inside. Kahoko couldn't see what it was, but it glinted in the moonlight as he approached the bed.

"Hurry!" Kahoko was starting to feel faint from all the pain. The room seemed to be growing darker, and she worried that she was going to fade away.

"I was hoping I would have a chance," Tsuchiura said.

With a yell, he raised his arm over his head, and Kahoko got a clear glimpse of the sword in his hand before he stabbed it through Azuma and directly into her heart.

* * *

><p>Kahoko sat up with a gasp. One hand was pressed against her chest, feeling her heart hammering away rapidly. She rubbed her eyes and glanced at the clock. 3:15 am.<p>

"It was just a nightmare," she told herself. "It's not real life. Just a bad dream that didn't make any sense."

She realized that she'd fallen asleep on the floor, still dressed in the same clothes she'd worn to the Aquarium with Tsuchiura. Shakily, Kahoko went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and washed her face. She rubbed at her stiff neck and shoulders and walked gingerly back to her room to put on her pajamas.

"It was just a dream," she told herself again. "It didn't mean anything."

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: **

**Yep. Just a dream. No worries, I'm not turning Yunoki into some sort of demon creature. Though I have to note that there's only a one-letter difference between "Akuma" and "Azuma." Hmmmm.**

**I'm curious though. How long did it take you before you figured out it was a dream?  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note****:**

**Dear readers and reviewers,  
><strong>

**You make me so happy even though I am terribly overwhelmed with life and school. Thank you. But really. Every review makes me grin like an idiot and gives me much-needed temporary reprieve from my stressing over things and stuff.  
>Thank you for putting up with my sporadic updating schedule.<br>**

**Much love,  
><strong>

**Me  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Kahoko woke earlier than usual, but memories of her nightmare kept her from going back to sleep. Not knowing what else to do, she got ready and went to school, arriving forty-five minutes before class was scheduled to begin.<p>

_Well_, Kahoko thought, _I guess I can go practice for a bit._

She stopped by her locker to drop off her books and was surprised to see Tsuchiura leaning against the wall. He looked lost in thought, but he perked up when he saw her approaching.

"Hey Tsuchiura," Kahoko said, giving him a nod before turning to open her locker.

"Hey," he mumbled. "Listen, uh, about last night…"

Kahoko's thoughts automatically went to the dream and she shuddered. _It was all in your head. It didn't _really _happen_, she reminded herself.

She placed her schoolbooks in the locker and closed the door, blushing as she belatedly realized Tsuchiura was talking about the kiss. "Oh," she finally replied. "Oh, don't worry about it." She started toward the music department, and Tsuchiura followed, walking beside her.

"Too late," he said. "I _am_ worrying about it. I want to talk to you."

"Now?" Kahoko asked.

He sighed. "No, Kahoko. I got to school an hour early on a whim. I just happened to be waiting by your locker by coincidence. _Yes_, now." He winced. "Sorry, that was rude. I'm just a little . . . you know . . . what I _meant _was yes, if that's okay with you."

Kahoko nodded. Tsuchiura seemed nervous, a trait she wasn't used to associating with him. _It seems like he's more bothered by this than I am_, she thought, but brushed aside any further analysis of the situation. She'd done her crying last night, she didn't want to stress over past events any more than was necessary. It would probably do them both good to talk about what had happened, anyway. "Sure," she agreed, "but did you really want to talk _here_?"

The halls of the Music Department were already fairly crowded. Students were everywhere, trying to get some early morning practice in, meeting up with members of various ensembles, or just standing around conversing.

"Um . . ." Tsuchiura scanned the hallway to see if there was a corner somewhere that _wasn't _occupied. "We can go somewhere more private?"

"Well," Kahoko held up her violin case, "I was hoping to get some practice in this morning, but we can just use the room to talk in."

He nodded. "Okay."

They dropped any further conversation until they had found an empty room and closed the door behind them. Tsuchiura walked up to the piano and ran his fingers tentatively across the keys, quietly picking out a melody. Kahoko waited for him to begin the conversation.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," he finally said. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or if I did something that would compromise our friendship. I should have asked you first."

Kahoko fought the urge to sigh. "I told you that it was okay."

"I don't believe you." He stopped playing and closed the piano lid. "I feel like you're just saying that because you're you. You don't stand up for yourself often enough."

"Tsuchiura, really—"

"No." He turned away from the piano and faced her. "I can tell by the way you reacted. You weren't okay with it. You practically ran away from me last night."

Kahoko fell silent. She wasn't sure how to respond to that accusation. _Yeah Tsuchiura, I actually don't know how I feel. You're a nice guy, but it's just that I'm kind of with Yunoki right now. I mean, he's thousands of miles away, but we've been sleeping together, so I guess that makes me his girlfriend. Or something. Point is, I'm not completely available. _"I'm not upset that you kissed me," she finally mumbled.

"I know you're just saying that to make me feel better." He shrugged. "Anyway, that was the main thing. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone from now on if you want." He moved toward the door.

"Tsuchiura, wait," Kahoko blurted.

He paused and looked over at her. "Yeah?"

Kahoko felt the heat rising in her cheeks. "You're my friend, Tsuchiura. You've helped me through a lot. I don't want that friendship to have to end because of this."

He laughed, but there was little humor in his voice. "Me either. I'm sorry that I ruined all of that."

Kahoko started to reach toward him, but pulled her arm back quickly. "What can I do to convince you that it _isn't_ ruined?"

Tsuchiura sighed and turned away from the door. "It's not a matter of convincing, Kaho. You _know _how I feel now. I lo—I care about you. A lot. More than just as a friend. Because of that, I don't know if _I_ can go back to things they were the way before. I'm sorry."

"But what if—"

Tsuchiura cut her off and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Kahoko." He turned again toward the door.

"Wait."

Kahoko didn't pause to think about what she was going to do. On impulse, she stepped forward, and when Tsuchiura turned toward her voice, she reached up and kissed him. It was very brief, but after taking a moment to recover from his shock, Tsuchiura smiled. He pulled her against him and claimed another, taking his time and drawing it out until they both had to come up for air.

Kahoko had difficulty arranging her thoughts into coherent sentences when she broke away from the kiss. "I—I—" she stammered, "I need to go to—to class."

Without so much as a goodbye, she grabbed her violin case and left the room.

Tsuchiura stared at the door in surprise for a few moments after she left.

* * *

><p>Kahoko slumped down into her seat with a groan and laid her head on her desk.<p>

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did you have to kiss him, Kahoko? Now he's going to think—_

"Hey Kahoko, are you okay?" Mio asked.

Kahoko groaned internally. Now was _not _a good time to be getting "advice" from Mio.

She regained her composure and sat up with a smile. "I'm just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."

Mio looked concerned. "Oh! Are you sick?"

Kahoko shook her head. "No, I just . . . I just had a strange dream."

Nao sat down beside them. "What's up?" she asked.

"Kaho's troubled," Mio answered.

"No, no, I'm fine, Mio! You're overreacting."

Mio shook her head gravely. "No, Kahoko, I can tell. Something's wrong."

Nao frowned. "I don't trust most of the silliness Mio spouts, but she is pretty intuitive sometimes. Are you okay?"

Kahoko shrugged. "I'm just a little tired, is all—"

"Is it a boy, Kaho?" Mio asked.

Kahoko sat up straight. "What? No! Why would you assume that?"

Mio fiddled with her pencil. "I head a rumor that you were seen with Tsuchiura earlier this morning."

Kahoko couldn't help it. She blushed beet red. "Did they say _what _we were doing together?"

"Ha! I knew it!" Mio shouted.

Nao raised an eyebrow. "What _were _you doing with Tsuchiura, Kahoko?"

Kahoko sighed. There was no way around these two once their got their scent on something. "He um . . . he kissed me," Kahoko finally whispered.

Nao's eyes widened and Mio opened her mouth to exclaim something, but Kahoko held up her hands. "Not this morning," she blurted. "I mean . . . that . . . too . . . but it was last night when he did it. The first time."

Kahoko could feel the heat of the blush on her face. Nothing she was trying to say was coming out right. She took a deep breath. "Let me try again." She glanced around the room to make sure no one else was standing within earshot. "He walked me home last night after a date. He kissed me, and I kind of panicked and ran inside. This morning he wanted to—to apologize."

"For _kissing_ you?" Mio squealed. "But he's so good-looking! Who in their right mind would mind—"

"It's was because of how I reacted, Mio. He thought I ran away because I was upset or angry at him."

"Why _did_ you run away, Kahoko?" Nao asked.

Kahoko sighed. "I don't really know. I—I'm just confused, I guess."

"Confused?" Mio asked. "What's there to be confused about? A totally dreamy guy took you on a date and then _kissed _you!" She sighed. "It's so romantic!"

Nao shook her head. "Did you want him to kiss you, Kahoko? Were you expecting it?"

Kahoko shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I was hoping—"

"That he would?" Mio finished.

Kahoko shook her head. "That he wouldn't. I was hoping that we were just growing closer as friends. I didn't expect anything else."

"But then this morning . . ." Nao prompted.

Kahoko sighed. "Yeah, this morning was my fault. He was so convinced that he'd done something wrong and that we couldn't be friends anymore. I didn't know what to say, so I . . . just . . . I kissed him."

Nao sighed. "And you said that you weren't sure whether or not you wanted this?"

Kahoko groaned. "I know, I know. It was stupid. Now he probably thinks—"

"Well Kaho," Mio interrupted, "I know it may sound like I'm just being silly, but _don't _you want that? I mean, you've been practically inseparable from Tsuchiura the past couple of weeks. I thought you two were going to start dating sooner or later."

Nao nodded. "She has a point."

Kahoko shook her head. She couldn't tell them about Yunoki. That was something that she had to keep to herself. But if they didn't know about Yunoki . . . _Azuma_, she corrected herself, then winced mentally for switching to his given name when she was only _thinking _about him.

"Kahoko," Nao asked, "is there any reason why you _shouldn't _date Tsuchiura?"

Kahoko fell silent. Several seconds ticked by as she considered her answer.

"I don't know," she finally said.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note****:**

**Ah, formatting decisions. This chapter has a bit of text-message conversation in it, so I'm going to stick with what I had back in chapter...10 was it? Italics within quotations. It'd be ideal to have a different font for the texts, but whatever. This is just a fanfic, not something that's going to be printed in a book, haha.  
><strong>

**And in case someone points it out, _yes,_ I avoided the "Asian" text emoticons. I'm already Americanizing/Englishifiying this story in the sense that I'm removing all Japanese honorifics and most (if not all) Japanese loan-words. It only makes sense not to use their (versatile and snazzy as they are) smilies. Plus, it's easier for me this way.  
><strong>

**Also, this chapter is kind of uneventful, but the next one is more exciting, I promise! :)  
><strong>

**Thank you as always for reading and reviewing!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Of course Kahoko couldn't stop thinking about him. In class, she did her best to focus on the lessons, but her mind kept drifting hack to Tsuchiura, to what it was like to kiss him. She'd blush as she remembered the last one they'd shared, in the practice room. It had been . . .<p>

Well, she certainly didn't _mind_ kissing Tsuchiura, and that was the problem. There was something different about it than when she kissed Azuma. She just couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

And the question kept popping into her mind: _Is this wrong_?

She didn't know.

Lunch hour came, and Kahoko breathed a sigh of relief. For a short amount of time, at least, she wouldn't have to worry about attempting to pay attention to class. Her phone buzzed. It was a text from Tsuchiura: "_Hey. Do you want me to eat lunch with you today, or did you want a little space? It's ok either way."_

She sighed and closed her eyes, thinking for a moment before texting back her response. _"Is it okay if you don't today? I still have to think about . . . all of this."_

_"Really? You seemed pretty convinced this morning. ;) Just kidding. It's okay, Kaho. Take your time. I don't want to pressure you."_

_"Thanks Tsuchiura. I'll let you know after school today, okay?"_

_"Sounds good. See you then."_

Kahoko sighed and slipped her phone back into her bag. That gave her a few more hours to make up her mind.

* * *

><p>It didn't take a few hours for Kahoko to decide. Oddly enough, her decision was triggered by a question from Shoko Fuuyumi. "How long has <em>he <em>been away?" she whispered during lunch while Nao and Mio were busy arguing about some celebrity gossip.

Kahoko shrugged. "Almost four weeks, I think. Longer than he said he'd be away, at least."

Shoko smiled. "Good. I think it's good for you to have some time away from him. To think about things and make your own decisions." She blushed. "Not that I'm saying that you didn't choose to be with Yunoki . . . I just—"

Kahoko shook her head. "It's okay, Shoko. It's true, Yunoki _didn't_ really give me much of a choice . . ." And just as those words slipped out of her mouth, Kahoko knew what she was going to do.

_This_ was her chance to decide what she wanted. Maybe she didn't _love_ Tsuchiura, but she didn't love Azuma either, did she?

Kahoko realized that what was different about kissing Tsuchiura was that she was in control of the situation. There had never been any point where she had been afraid. She knew that if she'd panicked or asked Tsuchiura to stop, he would have.

"It's _my _choice," Kahoko mumbled.

"What was that?" Shoko asked.

Kahoko blushed. "Nothing. I was just thinking out loud. Excuse me a moment."

Kahoko pulled out her phone and started a new text to Tsuchiura. _"Okay. Yes. My answer is yes. I'm not sure if I want this to be something serious, I don't know if I'm ready for that, but I'll try. With you."_

His response was surprisingly short: _"I'll walk you home after school today?"_

_"Sure."_

_"See you then, Kaho."_

_"Okay."_

_"By the way, you can call me Ryotaro. :)"_

Kahoko colored slightly, and hoped that Shoko wouldn't ask her who she was texting and why she was blushing. _"Okay, Ryotaro. See you later."_

* * *

><p>Ryotaro met her at her locker after school, as expected. Kahoko waved goodbye to Nao and Mio and started toward home with him. They talked about trivial things: about their day, about what they'd had for lunch, about any gossip they'd heard. The conversation petered out pretty quickly, and they walked in silence for a minute or two.<p>

"Hey Kaho," Ryotaro finally said, "I'm curious. Have you ever had a boyfriend before?"

Kahoko stopped in her tracks. She immediately thought of Azuma, of the things they'd done together. _Is he my boyfriend? Ryotaro thinks I'm available, but should I tell him otherwise? Should I at least warn him about the situation? _She shook her head._ If Ryotaro is asking about my . . . experience . . . in this field, should I count Azuma? _She blushed. _How am I supposed to answer this question_?

She realized that Ryotaro was looking at her and resumed walking. "Um . . . I . . ."

Ryotaro held up his hands in apology. "Sorry. That was kind of a personal question. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. I was just curious."

"Okay," she whispered, and the conversation fell silent again.

They arrived at her house and stood outside her gate, in the same place where he'd kissed her the first time.

Ryotaro ran his fingers through his hair. "Well," he said, "the bad news is that I've got practice every day for the rest of the week. We have games on Thursday night _and_ Saturday morning."

Kahoko nodded. "Okay."

"But," Ryotaro said, "Saturday afternoon, if you're free, you could come over. To be honest, I might be pretty beat, but we could just eat something and watch a movie at my place. My parents will be out of town too."

Kahoko realized that she must have made a face at that last sentence, because Tsuchiura turned bright red.

"That's not what I meant!" he amended. "I mean, I was just saying . . . I don't know if you'd feel weird if there were other people home. I wasn't implying that I wanted you to . . . um . . ."

Kahoko burst out laughing at the look of embarrassment on his face. "It's okay," she said. "I'm not upset, I promise."

"Okay, good," Ryotaro sighed. "Are you free?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just let me know when the game is done and I'll head over."

"Alright, I guess I'll see you then." Ryotaro shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at ground before meeting Kahoko's eyes again. His smile had vanished. "Kahoko, could I . . ."

Kahoko checked to make sure no neighbors were outside watching before nodding.

Ryotaro leaned down and kissed her very softly. Kahoko reacted automatically, her arms reaching up to pull him closer, to deepen the kiss. It was Ryotaro who broke away first.

"See you Saturday," he whispered.

"Okay," Kahoko responded. She kissed him again, very lightly, then turned and walked into her house.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note****:**

**Hello all. Sorry I've sort of fallen off the grid. A lot has happened since my last update. I don't want to go into to detail, but I will warn you that my updates aren't going to happen very frequently anymore. Life is kind of crazy.  
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**I'm sorry to have had to put the story on ice for a couple months. Rest assured, though there may be long(er) gaps between chapters, I WILL be finishing this story.  
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**Thank you all for your love and support. It really does mean a lot to me.  
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><p>The week passed by pretty quickly and, to be honest, Kahoko was glad that Ryotaro had soccer every day after school. It was more manageable that way: small bite-sized chunks of time together that they'd sneak before school, or at lunch, or even right before his practice started. And it wasn't <em>all<em> physical, which was a change for Kahoko.

Sure, there were a few instances where, in the privacy of a practice room, they got a little carried away, but most of the time they just sat and talked. Ryotaro knew that she didn't want to make a big fuss over things, so he tried to stay away from public displays of affection—especially while they were eating lunch with their friends. Sometimes he'd put an arm around her or hold her hand, but for the most part, he just sat beside her. He'd tease her, try to get her to laugh, and it worked. The mood was lighter when Ryotaro was there. Kahoko felt more relaxed. Her friends _loved _him.

To be honest, it frightened Kahoko how _easy_ it all was.

The rumor-mill went wild, of course. Strangely, no one ever actually approached Kahoko to ask about her relationship with Ryotaro. She didn't mind, though. Kahoko was relieved that no one was prying—the truth was that she still didn't know how she would answer them if they _did_ ask about the relationship.

* * *

><p>Kahoko received a phone call from Ryotaro on Saturday afternoon. His team had won the game, gone out to celebrate, and now he was at home. He offered to swing by and pick her up, but Kahoko insisted on walking over. The weather was nice, and she wanted to get some fresh air. She also wanted the time to walk alone and clear her head, but she didn't tell Ryotaro that.<p>

Kahoko had baked cookies the night before with her mother and placed some in a container to bring to his house. If Ryotaro was going to be providing the food, the movie, and the meeting place, she figured she'd contribute by bringing a little something to sweeten their date.

Kahoko flushed as she realized that she was openly acknowledging that it _was _a date. _It's no big deal, _she told herself. _You have fun spending time with him. It's not like he's actually asked you to be his girlfriend or anything._

She felt a little nervous as she stepped onto his front porch, but Kahoko shoved her uneasiness aside and rang the doorbell. Ryotaro answered quickly, seeming a little flustered himself when he opened the door. "Hey Kahoko," he said with a smile, "come on in."

Kahoko slipped off her shoes and followed Ryotaro into the house. He led her to the living room and gestured to the pizza boxes sitting on the coffee table. "Perfect timing," he said, "these were delivered right before you got here."

Kahoko raised her eyebrows. "Two pizzas? We each get our own?"

Ryotaro shrugged. "Actually, I was planning on eating both by myself. I realized how hungry I was when the game ended, and I know how you girls are. I've got a salad for you in the kitchen."

Kahoko went to punch him in the arm, but Ryotaro deflected the blow and snaked an arm around her waist to pull her in close. "Just kidding," he said. "You're beautiful. You can have both pizzas if you want."

Kahoko frowned. "I think you're just saying that to get on my good side."

"Maybe." He leaned down to give her a kiss. "Is it working?"

"I'm not sure," she teased, "maybe you ought to try that again."

Ryotaro eagerly accepted, but he broke away from the kiss with a chuckle as his stomach growled. "As much as I enjoy this, I'm _starving._"

They sat down on the couch and dug into the pizza. They joked and chatted, and Kahoko laughed so hard at one point that she nearly choked to death on her food. Ryotaro came to the rescue with a can of soda, but not until he'd made a quip about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

When they couldn't possibly eat any more, Kahoko looked through Ryotaro's movies and they popped one into the DVD player. Kahoko curled up next to Ryotaro on the couch, and she smiled when he draped his arm around her.

Kahoko hadn't _intentionally_ chosen a romantic film, but it ended up that way. At one point, there was a rather drawn out love scene that followed the couple after the man chased after the woman in a rainstorm and begged her to forgive him. Kahoko couldn't help but feel happy for them. She knew that it was just a movie, that life rarely happened that way, but she still wanted to congratulate them for finding love and happiness.

"I feel safe with you," Kahoko whispered. She hadn't intended to say the words out loud, and she blushed when she realized she'd slipped. She kept her eyes on the screen, partially hoping that he hadn't heard her.

Ryotaro gave her a gentle squeeze. "I'm glad," he said.

And Kahoko did mean what she said. Just sitting there on the couch with him, full of food and watching an incredibly cheesy movie, she was content. She trusted Ryotaro. Right now, she wasn't afraid or worried about anything. She sat up and leaned in for a kiss, unknowingly mirroring the couple on the television. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

Kahoko shrugged. "Just . . . thanks."

Kahoko drifted off to sleep a forty minutes before the movie ended. Ryotaro pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over them both. Carefully, he shifted her so that she was lying beside him. She sighed in her sleep and snuggled closer, resting her head on his chest. Ryotaro smiled. He wrapped an arm around her in case she decided to try and roll off the couch. Within a couple minutes, he was asleep as well.

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><p>Kahoko's eyes fluttered open. It took her a minute to figure out where she was, and to determine <em>who <em>she was sleeping on. The movie had ended, and the TV was playing the same 30 second loop of music over and over. Kahoko looked around and saw the remote control resting on the arm of the couch just beyond Ryotaro's head. She stretched out her arm and scowled when she came up a few inches short. Holding her breath, she propped herself up on one arm and snatched the remote with the other. Ryotaro's eyes opened right as she turned off the TV. "Thanks," he said. "The sound of the DVD menu repeating drives me nuts."

They'd closed the blinds for the movie, and with the television turned off, the room was in near-darkness. Kahoko realized that she had one hand resting on Ryotaro's chest. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her fingers.

Curious, she leaned down and kissed him, smiling when his heartbeat sped up slightly. The thought occurred to her that of the two of them, she was likely the one with more experience in this area. She did wonder if Ryotaro had been with other girls before, and how far he'd gone with them. Certainly not _all_ the way, right?

She shivered. "Ryotaro," she asked, "you said that your parents weren't home, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, they're on a trip actually. Their flight doesn't land until late this evening."

"Okay, good."

He grinned. "Are you afraid of getting caught?"

Kahoko traced her fingers lightly along his jaw line and down his throat. "Something like that."

Tsuchiura leaned in to kiss her and Kahoko happily obliged. She didn't know if it was the near-darkness or the privacy of the empty house or what that triggered it, but Kahoko quickly gained the upper hand. Her fingers clutched at Ryotaro's shirt, pulling him as close as she could, and the kiss was quickly moving into dangerous territory.

Kahoko's heart was pounding in her chest. Knowing that _she _was likely the more experienced of the two was incredibly empowering. Ryotaro opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him with another kiss. She pushed him down on the couch and leaned over him. Kahoko didn't know if it was her recent bout of abstinence or if it was mere curiosity, but she felt a rather strong desire for Ryotaro. When he reached up to tangle his fingers into her hair, she moved her hips against his, smiling slightly as he made a sound of pleasure.

"Kaho," he managed to gasp. "I think—"

But she interrupted his thought, pulling him toward her and kissing him. She moved her hips against his again and again, sighing when Ryotaro reached down, gripped her hips with his hands, and started helping her move against him harder, faster.

Kahoko closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of friction, on the exhilaration of being in control of the situation. She wanted to remove the obstacles of clothing and just _get on with it already_, but she wanted to make Ryotaro ask her for it. Instead, she closed her eyes and gave him soft moans of encouragement.

Ryotaro was taking his own sweet time, and it was driving Kahoko crazy. Frustrated, she slid one hand under his shirt, tracing a line with her fingers down his torso and coming to a rest at the waistband of his pants. Feeling daring, she stopped moving her hips and slipped her hand inside.

Ryotaro opened his eyes. "Wait, Kaho, wait." He sat up and pushed her hands away. His chest was heaving in his attempts to slow his breathing.

"What?" Kahoko asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Ryotaro shook his head. "No, you certainly didn't. That's the problem. I didn't expect—" he cleared his throat. "I think we ought to slow down a bit, Kahoko."

Kahoko felt the color drain from her face. "You don't want me? But I thought . . ."

Ryotaro shook his head. "No, don't get me wrong. I definitely want you, I think that much is fairly obvious, I just . . . I think we should slow down. It hasn't even been a week since the first time I kissed you, Kahoko. I don't want to rush this. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me."

"Oh." Kahoko felt a wave of embarrassment. She wondered what Ryotaro thought of _her _since she'd been the one driving them forward just now. Did he think she was some sort of loose girl?

"Hey, Kahoko. Whatever you're telling yourself right now, stop it."

Kahoko looked over at him. "What?"

Ryotaro looked concerned. "You look angry at yourself, and you shouldn't be. If anything, this is my fault. I should have said something earlier on, or when things started getting a little serious between us. Don't blame yourself for any of this, okay?"

Kahoko shrugged.

"Hey," Ryotaro said, "listen. Trust me, I really do want _that_, but I just don't think it's something we should jump right into, okay? I care about you, Kahoko. I want that to be apparent. I care about you as a person, as a friend. I want you to be able to trust me."

Kahoko nodded. "Okay. I still feel embarrassed though, to be honest."

Ryotaro smiled and kissed her. "Don't be. You definitely caught me off guard there. I didn't know you had it in you."

* * *

><p>Kahoko stayed at Ryotaro's for a little while after that. They ate the cookies she'd brought, talked, watched some TV, and did quite a bit more kissing on the couch. In a way, it was comforting to know that Ryotaro wasn't expecting to sleep with her. It was strange to think that, even though they had the entire house to themselves, all their kissing wasn't going to lead up to anything else, but Kahoko went along with it. A little before sundown, she decided that she ought to head home. Ryotaro offered to walk with her, but she declined, joking that she'd never get there if he kept distracting her. She gave him a hug, said her goodbyes, and left.<p>

About halfway back to her house, her phone buzzed. Thinking it was Ryotaro, Kahoko opened the message with a smile. As she read it, her smile faded and she stopped walking.

"_Did you miss me?_"

Azuma was back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note****:**

**Thank you all for being so patient. I promised I wouldn't drop the story, even if it took me forever to put up new chapters. :)**

**As requested by one reviewer, I have changed the primary genre of the story to Hurt/Comfort. I apologize to any other readers who stumbled across this story looking for fluffy romance and found something quite a bit darker instead.**

**Your reviews mean so much to me! Thank you thank you thank you.**

**Also, can you believe it's been FOUR YEARS since I posted the first chapter of _Entertainment_?! Crazy. Sorry I take FOREVER to finish things, haha.**

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><p>"<em>Did you miss me?"<em>

Kahoko swallowed. She didn't know what to think or how to respond. As she stood there in shock, her phone received a second text. "_I want to see you. Are you at home?"_

She wasn't, but she didn't want Yunoki to know that she'd just been with Ryotaro. _"Yes," _she lied.

"_Good. I'm sending a car."_

Kahoko ran the rest of the way to her house, sighing in relief that there wasn't anyone waiting out front when she got to the gate. She focused on slowing her breathing and plastering a calm expression on her face before stepping inside. She'd barely finished fixing her hair in the bathroom when the doorbell rang. Forcing a smile at her reflection, Kahoko turned off the bathroom light and opened the front door. Yunoki's driver gave a nod of greeting, and Kahoko followed him out to the car, mumbling her thanks as he opened and closed the door for her.

During the drive, she clutched at the seat, willing herself to relax. The route seemed familiar, and sure enough, the driver stopped in front of the hotel where she'd seen Yunoki last. It felt like déjà vu, walking into the lobby, getting the room key from the front desk, and waiting as the elevator made its way up to their floor.

Kahoko stood in the hallway outside of the room for fifteen seconds before summoning up the nerve to swipe her keycard and shove the door open. She hung the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the knob and closed the door with a sigh.

Yunoki wasn't in sight, but Kahoko heard the hum of a fan and movement inside the bathroom. She smoothed her skirt and knocked lightly on the bathroom door. It opened and revealed Yunoki, wearing one of the hotel's bathrobes and toweling his hair dry. "Sorry," he said. "I always feel grimy after long flights. I needed a shower."

Kahoko cleared her throat. "It's okay. Erm, do you want me to wait out here?"

Yunoki laughed. "While what, I get dressed? That seems a little counterproductive." He tossed the towel aside, turned off the bathroom lights, and stepped into the room. "Come here," he said.

Kahoko obeyed, and stifled a squeak of surprise as he pulled her into his arms. "I missed you," he whispered against her hair.

Kahoko kept her eyes closed. She was trying to turn her brain off. Trying not to analyze how she was _supposed _to be acting in this situation.

"Kahoko, are you okay?"

Kahoko opened her eyes, realizing that Yunoki had released her. "Yeah. Sorry. I'm just . . ."

"In awe of my beauty?" he teased.

Kahoko felt her cheeks grow warm. "I . . ."

Yunoki chuckled, but his expression grew more serious as he studied her. He leaned in to kiss her.

Kahoko didn't know what she had been expecting him to do, but the kiss—or rather, her reaction to the kiss—caught her off guard. It was like a flaming match being dropped into a pan of oil. Kahoko pulled Azuma close, her hands gripping at the fabric of his robe. He gave a groan of anticipation and pushed her up against the wall, his hands coming to a rest on her hips. He broke away with a smirk, and Kahoko felt her face turn red.

"I see you missed me as well. Perhaps I should travel more often." He kissed his way down her neck and Kahoko sighed. Her fingers found the sash on his robe and fumbled with the knot. Azuma shook his head and stepped away. He walked backward to the bed, pulling back the covers and settling down on top of the mattress. He untied his robe and let it fall open, grinning as Kahoko's eyes skimmed over him.

"Clothes," he said.

Kahoko nodded. She concentrated on steadying her breathing. She deliberately took her time removing her clothes, not wanting to look too hasty. She felt Azuma's eyes on her, but didn't dare return the gaze. She stripped down to her underwear before looking up at him. He nodded and extended an arm toward her. "Come here and love me."

Kahoko had started to walk toward the bed, but stopped in her tracks when he spoke. She knew what he _meant _by "love," but she couldn't help but wonder if he had intended the word in the other sense.

She could love him physically, sure, but could she love him emotionally as well? And if the answer was no, could she love anyone else?

Could she love Ryotaro?

Azuma saw her hesitation, and let his arm fall. "Kahoko," he said, his voice holding a hint of warning, "are you okay?"

Kahoko blinked quickly forced a smile. "Yes, sorry." She walked the rest of the way across the room and climbed onto the bed.

Azuma frowned. She could tell he didn't believe her, but what was she supposed to say? _"It's just that I started dating somebody while you were away, and I'm realizing that I'm not sure . . . or rather that I'm even_ less_ sure what to make of our relationship than before you left. I don't know if I should be here right now. If I should let this happen."_

"Is it because I've been gone, Kahoko? Did it hurt you when I left?"

Kahoko shook her head, not trusting herself with words. Part of her sensed that this was her chance to come clean, but she was afraid. It didn't seem right to discuss it now. Not while she was sitting in bed with Azuma Yunoki in her underwear.

"Do you want this?" he asked.

Kahoko knew she could say no, but she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. She didn't know if that was her honest answer. Of course she wanted it—the physical act of love. It'd been a month since she'd last been with Azuma, and her body was screaming at her to have him.

But aside from that. Did she want _this_? The whole "package deal" with Azuma? Did she _really _want him in her life?

Kahoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was a time for complete honesty, but this wasn't it. She leaned forward and kissed him, taking her time, using the kiss to turn off her brain and focus only on the physical.

"You know I do," she finally whispered.

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><p>Azuma wasn't an idiot. He knew something was wrong, but he wasn't about to let an opportunity like having Kahoko in a hotel room pass him by. Especially when she'd already gone and removed most of her clothing. So he'd pushed his anger and his concerns aside for the time being. He focused on the sex, which, admittedly, was very easy to do. It had been entirely too long since he'd been with Kahoko, and he had managed to stay true to her while he was in England.<p>

Azuma frowned. He wasn't really sure what he meant by that thought, "staying true" to Kahoko. He admitted that he did have some feelings for the girl. He'd known that for a long time, but they had never established any kind of "official" relationship. As such, he wasn't _technically_ garnered by rules of fidelity and other such nonsense. Regardless, even though his hand was a poor substitute for a flesh-and-blood woman, Yunoki had kept to his memories of Kahoko while he was away.

It was something that he was proud of, quite frankly.

But now as he sat in his hotel room, empty after Kahoko had showered and returned home, he wondered what he was doing. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, focusing on the memory of her scent. He began drifting off to sleep, but the wheels of his mind kept turning. When she'd hesitated earlier, it had frightened him. But why?

What had he to be afraid of?


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note****: This chapter is reaaaaalllllly short. Sorry! The next one will be longer, I promise. **

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><p>Kahoko held it together until she got home. Regardless of whether or not she actually ended up talking with him in the car, she didn't feel like crying her eyes out in front of Yunoki's driver. She kept her eyes closed and her breathing steady the entire ride back to her house. She imagined herself playing her violin, going over the music she had practiced the day before.<p>

When the car came to a stop outside her home, Kahoko opened her eyes. She thanked the driver as he opened her door. She walked up to her house, let herself in, took off her shoes, went upstairs, entered her room, closed her door, and sat down on the floor before she let the tears come.

She didn't even know why she was crying, to be honest. Perhaps that was part of it. Complete confusion. She waited for the tears to slow (she didn't trust them to stop completely) before picking up her phone and shakily dialing Ryotaro's number.

He picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey." Her voice cracked. Kahoko cleared her throat and tried again. "Sorry."

"No worries. Are you okay?"

"Why do you ask?"

There was a pause, and Kahoko imagined Ryotaro shrugging his shoulders in response. "Because it's kind of late. And you sound like you have a cold or something."

"Oh . . ." She glanced at her alarm clock and winced. "I didn't realize what time it was. Sorry."

"It's fine. What's up?"

"I . . ." Kahoko hesitated. _It's best just to get it over with_, she told herself. She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt. "I can't see you anymore."

There was silence on the other end. This time Kahoko didn't visualize Ryotaro shrugging or even smiling. She saw him slowly sinking down onto the nearest chair. "Is there something I did to upset you, Kaho?" His voice was quiet.

"No, it's nothing that you did."

"Because I know I got a little carried away earlier. I'm sorry about that. I promise that I'll do better in the future—"

Kahoko fought the urge to laugh. If anyone had gotten "carried away" earlier, it certainly wasn't Ryotaro. "No, it's nothing you did. I promise. I've just been doing some thinking, and I think we should end things."

"Shouldn't we talk about this? There must be something—"

Kahoko shook her head. She knew this wasn't going to go anywhere. She was quickly losing her resolve, and she felt her eyes welling up with tears. "I'm sorry," she said, cutting off his pleas. "Goodbye, Ryotaro." She hung up the phone and set it down beside her. After a moment, she picked it up, turned it off completely, and slipped it back into her bag. She didn't feel like talking to anyone for a while.

Mechanically, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, undressed, turned off the light, and crawled into bed. Her thoughts followed the same well-worn path of worry and frustration. She felt bad for hurting Ryotaro, but knew it was for the best. She didn't want to drag him into the mess that her life was right now. She wished that she could have given him some sort of reasoning, some closure, but didn't even know where to begin. Besides, if she couldn't explain her actions to herself, how could she possibly do that for someone else?

Exhaustion after the day's events tugged at her eyelids and Kahoko complied, drifting off to sleep.


End file.
